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3 rats are having a drink at the bar, bragging about how hardcore they are.

first rat says, "Guys, last night I ate a whole block of rat poison. woke up this morning, didn't even have a hangover."

"That's nothing," says the second rat. "I ate the cheese out of a rat trap today; the bar came down over my back and I just hoisted it hoisted it off and came here to meet ...

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Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

Unvaccinated kids are Sonic's hardcore fans

cuz they gotta go fast

French people are so hardcore

They eat pain for breakfast.

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Monogamists are hardcore

They don’t fuck around

Why do hardcore kids wear camouflage?

Because they don't want to be scene.



If you were in high school in the mid 2000s, you get it.

I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule

It’s science.

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Me and my buddy were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography.

Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

Life is like a hardcore drug.

I've taken several.

I couldn’t come up with names so...

Person 1: Did you know that there’s a secret menu at that burger place?

Person 2: No, tell me about it.

Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so hardcore that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, t...

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What do you call a Hardcore porno filmed on a boat in the ocean?

Offshore Drilling

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NSFW There's a new porn star , she only does hardcore butt stuff...

Ginger Lee Walken

I was a party. My friend said, "You see that girl over there? She's hardcore. She gets high by snorting insects."

I made a beeline for her.

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A mother cleaning her adolescent sons room finds a stash of hardcore German S&M porno mags...

Mortified, she puts them back so he won't know, but hides one in her apron to show her husband. Later that night they're in bed and she shows him the magazine... The father chuckles at first, assuming it was a Playboy, or Penthouse, but quickly becomes horrified at the images of whippings, and ball ...

Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists?

Because the conservatives are at work.

Only hardcore Star Trek fans know Zefram Cochrane's real name.

Zefram Katsopolis.

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What does a doctor prescribe a hardcore porn actress, when her vagina is too swollen to work?

Antifistamines.

Do you want to satisfy your hardcore food fetish?

Buy my new book: 50 Shades of Grey Poupon

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

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My friend decided to have a testicle removed after he found a lump.

He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.

I was finishing an apple and I nearly chipped a tooth on it.

It was pretty hardcore.

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Three mice

Three mice are sitting in a bar having drinks. They all order a shot of whiskey together and are thinking of something to drink to.

The first mouse says, "I'm so fucking hardcore the first thing I do when I go home every night is find a pill of rat poison, grind it up, and use it to season a...

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The World's Most Hardcore Biker

The world's most hardcore biker walks in to a bar while he's riding his bike across the country. He's wearing his ratty jeans, combat boots and his ragged leather vest showing off all his less than legal achievements. As he walks in, all eyes in the building fall upon him, his very stride exuding ma...

Here's to antivaxxers...

The hardcore players of the 10 year challenge.

(Dark humor) Don't drink and drive

John Baker was 17 and hot headed. An underage drinkers and a hardcore partier, his parents were always furious with him for this. They tried keeping him from going out, but nothing seemed to work. The last straw was when John got caught driving drunk. The car was a wreck, and John was in even worse ...

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A farmer has an impotent bull.

After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to ...

I had a frozen apple for breakfast today.

Hardcore.

Life is like a video game

Most of us play on easy difficulty, some on medium, then there is Africa playing on hardcore.

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So I went to a party with a friend last night... NSFW

The host of the party was this really cute chick named Annie who was flirting with me pretty hardcore. She tells me she would like to go outside but says first I have to get her wheelchair... oh shit she's a paraplegic. I wasn't about to let that stop me so I help her into her chair and we go out ba...

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A new nurse is being given the tour of his new workplace.

He and a fellow nurse walk the hallways of the hospital. Passing one of the rooms he sees a nurse mounted on top of a patient having rough passionate sex.

"What on earth is this nurse doing?!" He asked.
The other nurse casually replies "this man has a very rare condition. I...

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Two drug peddlers are arrested and produced in court..

Judge promises them reduced sentences if they can do some substantial community work in one week. After a week, they again appear before the judge.

Judge: Tell me young men. what have u done in last one week for the society ?

Criminal 1: I convinced 20 hardcore addicts to give up drugs...

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A man goes to a home that houses ladies of the night...

He is welcomed in and asked by the man behind the counter how he can help him. “I need some action but all I have is $10. I know that’s not enough but honestly if you can help me in anyway, id be truly grateful.”

The man behind the counter looks at him and says “ Look, this is what I’ll do f...

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Phil dies and is met by the Devil in front of three doors.

The Devil takes him to one side. 'Look, Phil,' he says, 'we're trying something out to cut down on admin down here. We used to assign punishments to the damned that fit their sins, but now we're letting people choose themselves.'

He gestures to the three doors. 'What I can do for you is this:...

My new French speaking friend who recently moved to our very English speaking city just got a new dog...

My french buddy (we'll call Mikey to save his dignity) got himself a new dog last week. So Mikey wanted to take him to the the dog park and since I have a well trained dog he asked me to come along to give him some pointers. So just the other day I meet him at one of the more popular dog parks in th...

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A man walks into a bar with a big smile...

" - Why are you smiling?"



" - You know about those train tracks near my house? Well, yesterday I was walking home when I see a woman tied to the tracks; I swear it looked just like one of those old movies, you know? I went next to her, released her, and took her to my place; and then ...

Hundred Dollar Tattoo on privates

A hardcore Chartered Accountant gets home late one night.

His wife angry and upset, says, "Where the hell have you been?"

He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a Hundred Dollar on my privates" he said ...

What kind of online videos do fish love to watch?

Hardcore prawn

I used to date a chick liked it when I made her angry while we were in bed.

She was into hardcore scorn.

An elderly woman was stopped by the bouncer at this biker bar...

He said, "Before I let you in, I need to ask you some questions. Firstly, since this is a biker bar, do you even have a bike?"
The old lady replied, "Son, did you not see me ride up on my '65 panhead? That's it in the spot up front right there."
"Ok, This is a neutral bar, you're not represe...

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