Psst Jokes - 16 Hilarious Psst Jokes

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Psst! My secret is butter.

Please don't spread it

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A guy wakes up, still hungover from the last night...

He notices his wife is being super nice to him - she makes him breakfast in bed, asks him if he needs anything, hums to herself happily.

Confused, he asks his kid: "Psst, hey, what's going on?".

The kid says: "Well, last night you came home drunk as a skunk, kicked the dog, vomited on...

The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.

“Mr Putin! I noticed you’ve changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you’d put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we’d solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.”

Putin puts the CEO ...

What did the shady duck say to the other duck?

“Psst, you wanna buy some quack?”

A man walks into a bar and it's empty except for the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink.

He hears someone whisper, "Psst...I like your tie." The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.

"Psst....that color looks nice on you."

He asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but.....are you speaking to me?"

The bartender rolls his eyes and says,"No, sorry about that. It's the pean...

What are the most secretive nuts?

Psst...achios.

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What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

Psst Q...your dicks out!

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Little boy tells his teacher he found a dead cat...

"Well, how did you know it was dead?", asks the teacher.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it did not move", tells the boy nonchalantly.

"You did whaat now??!", screamed the teacher ready to faint.

"You know", explains the boy, "I just leant over and went psst in its ear and it d...

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The Parrot Joke

Guy walks into a pet shop and there's an exotic parrot in a cage above the shop-owner's front counter. The parrot sees the guy and says, "Psst. Hey, buddy?"

The guy says, "What?"

The parrot says, " you."

Guy says, "What?"

Parrot says, "You heard me, you ugly : ...

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.

He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"

The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsusp...

Baseball in Heaven

Two kids, Adam and John, absolutely love playing baseball. They play every day of their lives until years down the road Adam and John are now two old men who sit in the park feeding the birds and watching kids play baseball. One week later John passes away. Adam is sitting at the park alone when he ...

Putin is at a press conference...

Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back.

Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes

Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And m...

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“I don’t know, but...”

Joe walks into a bathroom. He walks up to a urinal and unzips his pants when he hears “Psst.. buddy. Can you help a guy out?” Joe looks over and sees a man standing a couple urinals down. “Uh.. what?” inquires Joe. “Buddy, I need help unzipping my fly,” responds the man, who upon saying so nods his ...

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Bloke walks into a pub....

Bloke walks into a pub and orders a drink. While he's taking the first sip, he hears a voice go: "Psst! Nice coat."

He turns around to thank this kind soul for the nice comment, but there isn't a soul in sight apart from himself and the man behind the counter; So, the man turns back to his d...

An elderly lady would always bring flowers she picked from her garden to a local hospital to cheer up the pediatric patients.

One day a worker was installing a new sign in the lobby when a metal bar from his scaffolding fell. He was harnessed in to the part that didn't fall, but the bar hit the elderly lady with the flowers, killing her instantly.

Two years later the maintenance guy was walking down a corridor after...

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A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

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