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Three Hobos are hunkered down around a jungle fire by the railroad tracks

Reminiscing about the windfalls they'd found in their years riding the rails and living the vagabond life. The first hobo said:

"This one time, a train stopped, and I found a whole case of pork and beans. Took some strength to haul it off and hide it, but I had enough chow to make it through ...

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Italian Honeymoon

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.


Giovanni said, “Hey Luigi, how was-a da treep?”

Luigi said, “Everyting was-a perfecto except-a for da train-a ride down.”

...

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A guy walked into a bar...

...and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp.

“Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened.”

“I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best fri...

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Bill, Jim Bob, and Ol' Gus

Bill, Jim Bob, and Ol' Gus are sitting around the camp fire one night drinking and swapping stories of their manliness.

Bill says "One time I was out hunting a cougar. Tracked her for miles and came up on a cave. I figured it must be her den so I peeked inside. Saw her cubs but she weren't th...

Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.

"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.

"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."

"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.

"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to se...

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A guy drives in an Italian countryside...

A guy drives in an Italian countryside, and at the turn of a corner he's stopped by a paesano with a shotgun, who gets him out of the car, and yells:
- You musta jack-off, now!
- What? But...
- You musta take your dick out and masturbate, right now or I'll shoot you!
So the guy ...

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Boudreaux goes to Hell

So one day, Boudreaux gets into a boating accident and dies. Unfortunately, St. Peter sends him to hell.

Later on, the devil's making his rounds and sees Boudreaux, just sitting on a rock, smiling like an idiot. The devil goes up to him and says, "Hey, why the heck are you smiling? You're in ...

My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot

Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

"You know, in some st...

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3 guys on a plane

3 guys on a plane who had never met, found themselves sitting next to each other on row of seats on a flight to Pittsburgh. After they had all sat down and got a chance to look at each other, something was strangely coincidental ... they each had a black eye.

The guy sitting in the isle seat ...

Three men are fishing..

Three men are fishing on a pond and no one's catching anything, so to make things interesting one throws in a rock and says "wow did you just see that fish jump!?"
The second guy replies "Nah, how much do you think it weighed," to which the third man, who saw the rock thrown says "Musta weighed...

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Rick and Jerry went hunting

Rick and Jerry, after 2 days of tracking a buck, made their way into a clearing. both men are exhausted, getting little sleep during their expedition, and Rick decides that after the last 9 straight hours in the bush, he deserves to take a much needed bathroom break. after Jerry had finished gutting...

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Three legged pig (long)

A traveling salesman was walking along a country road one day, his car having broken down, and he happened to come across a rather unique farmhouse. As he neared it he noticed that the pigpen of this farm was a bit different from most. In fact, it was palatial.

The mud was of the highest qua...

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