Shh Jokes

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally an... read more

The man with a stutter says “shh ssshhh sshh”. The other man says “what is it, did you catch a fish”? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says “spit it out”. The stuttering man says “ssshhh ship!!” Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.

M... read more

It took us a while to realize he'd lost "it".

Politician: Shh. Just pay it.

Left: knock knock

Right: Who's there?

Left: we live in a shh

Right: we live in a shh who?

Left: yes we do, right. Yes we do.

On the tour they stop by where the factory made baby bottles caps. Everyone could hear the machine working: "Shh, pop, shh, pop, shh, pop". One of the tourists asked the guide what the noises were.
"well you see, the shhing sound is the rubber filling the moulds and the popping is the machine p... read more

A man got a cat and walked to his wife and said "so what do you think of the cow ?" His wife said that's a cat. The man said "shh I'm talking to the cat"

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef... read more

It was Shh-it.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ... read more

A shh-kebab.
---
I love you too, fellas.

Said the man to the maiden as they lay there by the sea, "Shh, someone's coming!" Said the maiden, "Hush! It's me!"

He simply had to say to anyone close to him:

“I know everything.”

And that will reward him with money!

The kid first went to his father, he approach him and said “Dad, I know everything.” His dad’s eyes widened and quickly gave him 100$ and said “Shh. Don’t tell anyone please.”.... read more

Pence: The fewer

Trump: Shh don't call me that in public yet

....the bride called her mother in a panic.

"Whats the matter dear? Was the honeymoon dreadful?"

"No, but oh, mama! As soon as we got home, he started using the most horrible language! Horrible four-letter-words!"

"Darling, shh." Her mother said. "Calm down and tell me what was ... read more

His end is near, his wife is by his bed, holding his hand. No doctor was able to find out what exactly made the man so sick.
Suddenly, the man starts to cry. He sobs:
"Darling, I have to tell you something before I die."
She holds his hand even tighter and says:
"Shh, stay calm. ... read more

As she lay there, she says to her husband, "Honey, I must tell you a secret before I die"

"Shh, there is nothing you need to tell me." the husband replies.

"No, I must tell you that I slept with your brother, best friend and the neighbor." the wife responds.

The husband says, ... read more

A shh-kebab

A little boy goes to his first Kindergarten class and the teacher gives the class their first homework assignment: Go home and learn the first 3 letters of the alphabet. So the little boy goes to his mean mother and asks, "Mommy, what's the first letter of the alphabet?".

His mean mother rep... read more