UPJOKE
ratiobalancescaledimensionpercentageratepercentsymmetryfractionequipoiseequilibriumproportionalmagnitudecounterbalanceproportionality

Proportions Jokes

Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?

Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman buys a mirror and hangs it on the bathroom door.

While getting undressed she says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bra size 44!” There’s a blinding flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what’s happened and they both return to the bathroom.

The husband crosses his fingers an...

The amount of food I consumed last night, was of Biblical proportions.

I’m now dreaming of a wide Christmas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

This is a test.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your...

Yesterday I saw a horse-drawn carriage

The proportions were a bit off but the shading and linework were quite remarkable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

Man with a particularly little head

A man is walking on the beach he sees an odd looking elderly man about half a football field away. As he gets closer, he notices that the old man has extremely little head. Out of curiosity, he decides to strike up a conversation.

"How's it going sir?"

"Good, how you doing?"

"G...

(Old and not mine) A man dies and goes to heaven

When he gets there he sees a wall of immeasurable proportions made entirely of clocks with a gate in the center. He sees an angel in front of the gate so he asks

“What do all of these clocks represent?”

To which the angel replies,

“These are the clocks of man, every person tha...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

A Mozart fanatic visits his tomb in Austria...

John is a gigantic Mozart fanatic. He's listened to every one of his many compositions, paid attention to the melodies and how they were composed, and the thought process of their creation. All that John has left to do is to visit Mozart's tomb.

John travels to Austria and visits his tomb. Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is in the confession booth...

A priest is in the confession booth listening to people confess their sins, when suddenly he feels the urge to drop a Deuteronomy. He knew right away that this was going to be a bowel movement of biblical proportions, and sweared to God that he would never eat Devil's food cake again. He opened the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was walking down the street when an alien spaceship landed in front of them...

An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''

They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.