Preserved Jokes

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food... read more

Dignity is not one of them.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ... read more

The process is jarring.

Icy dead people.

sources say it was a real shin dig.

it got a little jammed nothing could be preserved

Just think how dumb we'd look in front of our children, if twenty years from now we discover climate change was in fact not real. We'd have cleaned the ocean and the cities, preserved the rain forests and millions of species, innovated in multiple industries, made the air breathable again, created a... read more

They asked their students what they wanted to do with their bodies once they died, such as if they wanted to be cremated, buried, or have their bodies donated to science.
One student piped up and said, "I want to have my head preserved like in Futurama!"
Horrified, the teacher said "Let's not ... read more

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a... read more

The body was preserved with chocolate and nuts.

Experts believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Roche!

In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. Wh... read more

There sat 2 Germans and an Italian. The British tourtured the first German and after many hours of screaming, the broken down German finally talked. Ashamed, he went back to the camp and told the other 2 prisoners to stay strong. The British begin to torture the second German. He preserved through 3... read more

A doctor performs circumcisions at the local hospital. For 12 years he has preserved the discarded foreskins in the lab. One day, he takes the foreskins to a leatherworker and asks him to make a wallet. The leatherworker looks at him skeptically but agrees.
After several weeks the doctor is infor... read more

"Man wanted for general farm duties," he reads. "Must be strong, capable, experienced in animal handling and willing to learn. Apply to Widow Sallet, Sallet Farm, two miles east of town."

So he goes along to the farm, as it sounds like steady work and he's tired of living hand to mouth, and f... read more

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic... read more