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Laced Jokes

“Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That’s because I’ve laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.”

“Joke’s on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.”

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Be careful who you buy drugs from. It might be laced. Mine was.

I found marijuana in my cocaine.

What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin?

Short Attention Spam

I felt sorry for the sea world animals trapped in enclosures. So I fed them some fish laced with hashish.

It felt good to serve a higher porpoise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hell no.

A man dies and is sent to hell. He meets the devil who offers him three choices of punishment for the sins that he had committed. The devil tells the man, "There are three torture rooms, of which you will pick one and go in to replace the person who is being punished in that room. The choice is your...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Viagra I bought online was laced with a chemical found in Wite-Out

It gave me a massive correction!

What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke

The snack that’s also crack

A straight-laced former cop and a priest were driving down a country road

Walking along the edge of the road were some teens - their pants sagging, they were vaping had a beer in hand, and could clearly be hear cursing loudly. This enraged the former cop. He drifted toward the side of the road as if to hit them, then pulled back. Angry, he drifted over again. There was a ...

What do you call a preponderance of evidence that your drink has been laced?

Probable Cosby.

Double D’s can make all the difference.

Lace rugs are a lot different than laced drugs.

A small village soup chef tried to make a bit of extra money on the side, selling boullion cubes laced with marijuana...

It was the laughing stock of the whole town.

Did you hear about the guy who died from eating a poison shoe?

It was laced with cyanide

I found myself at a growler the other night and after returning from the bathroom, I nearly choked on a shoestring!

Someone had laced my drink

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?

Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!

After a day of walking around, a man comes home with his newly bought shoes

He says to his wife: “I bought these shoes from a drug dealer”
His wife said: “what’s the problem?”
He responded: “I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day”

Last night at the bar I ordered a drink that was served in a shoe...

... I'm pretty sure it was laced.

I bought some drugs from the old lady who lives in a shoe.

They turned out to be laced.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When are all of you people going to understand that the government...

AND companies like Bridgestone, Windsor Salt and Big Shovel are BRAINWASHING you into believing that winter and snow is real thing. It is completely FALSE and made up to KEEP us pinned down in our houses during the winters. I for one am SICK AND TIRED of being told that I need to shovel my driveway ...

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. ..

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.

Give a man a fish laced with potassium cyanide, and you feed him for a lifetime.

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