Keg Jokes

It's Friday evening, great weather, long weekend ahead. Everything is just perfect.

Suddenly he sees some rusty antique lamp in a pile of garbage. Curious, he picks it up.
Surely enough genie appears.

- what's your wish?

- what, just one?

- yep, this is a used lamp, o... read more

I needed to make a bucket list before I die.

A party fowl.

Talk about drowning your sorrows

because my alcoholism is tearing me apart.

A pub landlord is struggling with the cost of living crisis. Customers are down and costs are soaring. To get his business back on track, he decides the best way forward is to host an event to draw in new customers. Noticing the cobwebs in some of the dimly lit corners of the pub, he has a stroke of... read more

"So, how many kegs of beer do you go through in a week?", he asks.

"About twenty," says the bartender.

"I've got a tip that could bring that up to twenty five, if you're interested."

"Absolutely!", says the bartender.

The man looks the bartender in the eyes and sa... read more

Turns out Hebrews

...on the way home they get in a car crash and both die. Jack ends up at the pearly gates without Will. Jack walks up to St. Peter and says, "where is my good friend Will." St. Peter says, "Sorry, but will didn't make it to heaven. Jack asks if he can see Will one last time. St. Peter parts the... read more

The officer said " you've been swerving all over the road, have you had anything to drink?"
"Yes" I answered, "but only two light beers"
As he saw the two empty kegs in the back he said "those don't look like two light beers!"
I replied "perhaps you should work out, they're only about 16 ki... read more

The first guy is in the back, rolling his eyes. They had been partying.
One friend was bragging about the women he had been with.
Another was driving, and was bragging about his keg standing talent.
Our guy has tried to do good all his life, and has successfully avoided both pleasures.
<... read more

Joe goes to heaven and John goes to hell. Joe finds heaven nice but he isn't happy knowing his best friend is in hell. So he asks St. Peter if he can go see John in hell. St Peter says, "I am afraid you can not leave, but I can put my hands over your eyes and give you a vision of John in hell."... read more

One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died.
He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways.

Finally, years ... read more

When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bill but could not find him anywhere.

Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bill was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!” St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bill didn’t make it to ... read more

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip.... read more

WIFE: Well at least give me the comfort in knowing it was a quick death

BREWER: well he drowned in only 15 minutes, short considering he got out of the keg twice to pee

"I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whi... read more

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ... read more

$1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you... read more

A cowboy gets captured by a group of Indians. They take him back to their camp where the chief shows mercy on the cowboy and says he can live amongst the tribe if he's able to complete three tasks.
Ahead were three tepees. The chief says to the cowboy, "in the first tepee is a beer keg. You have... read more

There once lived a bee named barry. Barry was a very smart bee, he went through all of school with straight A's. He majored in law, and eventually ran for president. He became the president of the bee hive.

Barry, unsatisfied with his accomplishments, goes on to go through human school, fir... read more

He goes up to the barkeep and orders a beer, the bartender walks out back to refill the kegs. while the man is drinking he hears a voice, 'that's a very nice tie you're wearing' the man looks around wildly and yells to the bartender 'oi! did you say anything?'
the bartender replies, 'no!' sitting... read more

A European Count who had a fascination with the American West, arranged for a trip to a Texas town named Outlaw. Outlaw was small but didn't know it and the town fathers were determined to impress the Count with their worldliness. They arranged to have the local orchestra perform Beethoven's Ninth... read more

An american is talking to his firend. He tells his friend that he found out he has Finnic roots, and that he went on holiday to visit his far relative.

the friend: So, was your holiday fun?

The american: Yes, but i was scammed out of a thousand dollars!

the friend: How come? You... read more

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap... read more