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Snooker Jokes

I was waiting for ages to play snooker the other night but gave up

The cue was too long

What do you call a Russian snooker player?

Innoff the red.

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A snooker player just won a tournament

and met a beautiful lady at the after party. They have a few drinks and go back to his hotel room. Things get hot and heavy real fast.

She is aching for him, and says "Take me from behind. Have your way with me" and lays on the floor on all fours.

A few minutes go by with no action. <...

My 12-year-old son asked his grandfather what the worst thing about old age was...

Grandpa answered:

"It's erectile dysfunction."

My son asked:

"But is it really that bad?"

Grandpa replied:

"Imagine someone trying to play snooker with a rope... it's the same thing..."

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A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...

...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says “sorry do you know me?”

She re...

Why can’t snooker players become actors?

They’ll miss their cue.

I'm going to have a break from stealing snooker equipment....

but 1st I'm just going to take a rest

A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed in the motorway

Queues on both sides.

I've always wanted to play snooker

But I never had the balls

'I've always wanted to play snooker' I told my friend

'Do you know the rules?' he asked


'Yes'


'Do you have some cues?'


'Yes'


'A table?'


'Yes'


'So what's stopping you?'


'(sigh) I just don't have the balls'

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Jungle snooker. (Long Old joke, but then I’m old so you may not have heard it)

An elephant, a crocodile and a snake met by a riverbank, they had known each other for years and were pals. How about a game ? said the crocodile and the others agreed. Jungle snooker? Asked the elephant. Don’t know that one said the snake, how’s it played? Well said the elephant it’s like table ...

Used one of the kids dolls to play snooker

It's now a Barbie-cue

Huge crash on the high way, a lorry full on snooker equipment toppled over

There were cues for miles

Booked a table for 2 for the valentine's day

Hope my girlfriend likes snooker

I told my psychologist I thought I was turning into snooker ball

She sent me to the end of the queue

Dad’s advice some years ago; “If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock.”

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!

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I've had constipation for 3 months

Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.

Doc says "what have you been eating"?

I said well doc I've been eating snooker balls!!

What?? Snooker balls Charlie??

Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porrid...

Why did the snooker player visit the bathroom?

He wanted to pot the brown.

Why are American police officers so bad at snooker?

They always shoot the black

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

What’s green and has four legs and if it falls out a tree it’ll kill you?

A snooker table.

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Snooker is like sex.

The pink is more valuable than the brown.

I was playing snooker with Jacqueline.

I looked at her and said, "Where's your cue?"

She said, "It's after the C."

What do Russians play at the bar?

Snooker Blyat

Don't think that colour doesn't matter. Brown, yellow and black must be eliminated so that only white remains. It's the only way to reach victory.

Said the snooker teacher.

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Valentine night for Men.

I have booked a dim lit table for two tonight for me and the Wife.


I just hope the fuck she likes Snooker....

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Just booked a table for me and the missus for Valentines Day knowing this is going to end in tears....

She’s shit at snooker

One wish

"Waiter, does your band play anything by a guest's choice?"

"Of course!"

"Let them play a game of snooker then, so I can eat my dinner in peace!"

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"Pornography has really damaged the way you view sex,"

exclaimed my girlfriend, "I've had enough, I'm leaving."

I said, "Before you go, can we fuck on the snooker table while your Grandad watches?"

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What do you call an inexperienced prostitute who cheats at billiards?

Snooker

Me and girlfriend don't usually do anything for valentines day, thought I'd surprise her so I booked a table for us, she was so excited when I told her

Never realised she liked snooker so much.

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A man is shopping when he notices a hot blond girl is staring at him

After a while he asks her: "I'm sorry, but do we know each other?". She replies: "Yeah, I think you are the father of one of my children."

The man knows very well he only cheated once and clearly remembers everything that happened so lowers his voice: "Ah, then you must be the call-girl from ...

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