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Magnet Jokes

I dated a magnet once

she was very attractive.

I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I've got eight fridges

Two magnets walk into a bar

Once they’re through the door, the immediately fly to other sides of the room.

The bartender comes up to one of them and asks “What happened to you two? I thought you were practically inseparable.

The magnet replies “After what happened this weekend…” It shakes its head. “It was so pol...

Recently, Scientists have shown that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

What do you call a magnet with mental issues

Bipolar

I'm positively magnetic!

When I meet someone positive, I repel them!

A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."

A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and po...

Redditors are like magnets

We attract flies and repel other humans away

What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet?

A magnet has a positive side.

I am a chick magnet you know.

Don’t assume I attract.

I have a fetish for magnets

I don't know why, I just find them attractive.

I'm such a great chick magnet

Too bad I'm the kind that repels rather than attracts

2 magnets walk into a bar

The negative magnet slides over to the positive magnet and says:

Hey, I think I’m attracted to you

What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

Why is the Magnet Business so inviting and easy to start up?

There is no Monopoly.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.

Student: *raises hand*

Professor: Yes?

Student: 1 Earth

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

*"Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive."*

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I am a pussy magnet.

Remember, magnets repel, too.

Chick magnet

Sam was a simple fellow, socially awkward, not very attractive, but he had high hopes for meeting girls on his long-awaited Florida vacation. Every day, he went to the beach in hopes of meeting someone special, but every day he was disappointed because all the girls seemed to hang around one certain...

Y'now, I love talking about magnets

But it's quite the polarising topic.

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I consider myself to be quite a pussy magnet

Now if I can just figure out how to change the polarity.

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I started a "magnetic penises" club

But it didn't attract many members

A magnet walks into an elemental singles bar and tries a pickup line on a pretty slab of metal.

"Is your name *Beryllium*? 'Cause you can alka-***lie*** next to *my* earth metal!"

The slab of ***lead*** says "Nah. You don't *attract* me."

Ba dum TSS!

There’s an equation to describe the magnetic field generated by a constant current

But everyone says it’s BS

people are like magnets

everyone i know must have had something in common with me

What is the strength of a magnetic field in space?

1 Tesla.

What do you call a magnet that can go both ways?

Bi-Polar

An man goes to the ER after swallowing a large magnet.

When asked why, he said, “Well, last night my wife said she just wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I was planning a big surprise tonight when her belly piercing disagreed with her.”

Hot women are like magnets

I don't understand them.

I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess...

but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.

Two magnetic fields are talking to each other

Magnetic field 1: "Aren't you mad that all the coils above you are parallel to your magnetic field?"

Magnetic Field 2: "Nope...I give zero flux!"

My friends all call me a chick magnet.

However due to my lack of ferromagnetic material in my chemical makeup I can can’t seem to think of what repels all these girls.

When in high school, I was always a chick magnet...

...the side that repels.

What will happen when the Earth's magnetic poles flip?

I dunno, but I heard Santa's been interviewing penguins to see if they can pull a sleigh.

What did the science teacher say when the kid was experimenting with magnets?

"May the force be with you"

Fishing

Three blonds are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them and says, Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing license. said the game warden.But officer, replied the second blond, we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at t...

What is the best pick up line?

One which has a magnet at the end.

If time traveling was common, what historic event would be a tourist magnet?

The birth of Jesus. All the hotels in the area would be fully booked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a magnet's favorite amusement park ride?

A ferrous wheel.

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Cats are pussy magnets

But dogs get all the bitches

A couple of magnets showed their positive side...

they got divorced.

You hear about the love struck super magnets?

Whenever they met face to face, they just couldn't seem to connect, however the moment one turned to walk away, they were nearly inseparable.

Science joke

What is a magnetic scientist’s favorite animal?

A polar bear.

Scientists were divided over the effects of the changes in the earth's magnetic field.

They were polarized!

Said a fellow in liquor production ...

Said a fellow in liquor production

“I’ve a still of ingenious construction

the alcohol boils

through old magnet coils

I’ve dubbed it my Proof by Induction”

A man sees a life-sized rat statue in an old junk store.

And he isn't sure why, but he finds the rat statue very interesting and decides to buy it. Afterwards he's walking down the street holding the statue under his arm when he looks behind and sees two rats following him. A few minutes later there are more. Soon there are dozens or even hundreds of rats...

Mars magnetic field is increasing for the first time in millions of years

For a total of one Tesla!

I had a party for the worlds greatest historical figures, here are their RSVPs

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Marie Curie: "I am radiating enthusiasm."

Ivan Pavlov: "I'm positively drooling at the thought."

Albert Einstein: "It will ...

Boris saves Christmas .....

Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."

What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?

Magnets

First I dated a bonfire

People thought she was hot.

Then I dated a magnet, people found her attractive.

Lastly I dated a power outlet. I still don’t know why people were shocked about that one.

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My buddy’s girlfriend walked in on him getting a blowjob from another woman

He didn’t even apologise or anything, just looked her in the eye and said “It’s not my fault, her tongue piercing got magnetically attracted to me.”

That dude must have balls of steel.

My last few relationships have drained the life from me.

I'm something of a tick magnet.

Are you ugly?

Buy a magnetic suit, it will make you more attractive.

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

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An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

My name is Eaton, and my coworker and I were talking about name tags,

I keep an abundance of mine attached via magnet to my desk so I never forget to have one.

She lost the backing to her name tag somewhere around her desk.

I let her know that I have a bunch extra so if she needed one just take one.

She asks, "So, I can be Eaton today then?"
...

As they stood on top of The Eiffel Tower, watching a beautiful sunset, he got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”

She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”

He said, “Help! My replacement knee is made of magnets.”

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge.

It's a Babe magnet.

You may become more attractive

If you eat magnets

War in the forest

A war breaks out in the forest, and all the animals are called in for mobilization draft.

Bear reluctantly sets off to the local barracks. He doesn't really want to go, he is big, slow, a perfect bullet magnet.
Suddenly, he comes across the fox and the rabbit, sitting by the camp fire, hap...

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Two guys go golfing

Two guys decide to go golfing.

The first guy goes, "hey, so do you need to go buy some golf balls before we go?

The second guy says, "no. I've already got one."

1: "What do you mean you only have one? You need more than that."

2: "No, you see, it's a special ball, you ca...

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A German, a Japanese and a Russian die one day

They are met in the Otherworld by an Angel, who tells them "I know all three of you have sinned enough to get sent to hell. But, screw it, I'm bored and benevolent. So I will give each of you two metal orbs. Do with them what you want. In 24 hours, whoever surprises me the most will go to heaven."...

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

A scientist travels back in time to ancient Babylonia to see the beauty of the Hanging gardens...

...after trying to impress the King by demonstrating magnetism between his crown and a magnet, he finds himself in big trouble.

In court, the people are mixed about what his punishment should be. Some see him as a valuable ally while others see him as a dangerous threat. The kind and generous...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

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