Recently, Scientists have shown that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

Redditors are like magnets

We attract flies and repel other humans away

What do you call a magnet with mental issues

Bipolar

I am a chick magnet you know.

Don’t assume I attract.

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I am a pussy magnet.

Remember, magnets repel, too.

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

*"Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive."*

I think the vaccine is making me magnetic!

When I put a piece of tape on my skin it stuck to me!

My name is Eaton, and my coworker and I were talking about name tags,

I keep an abundance of mine attached via magnet to my desk so I never forget to have one.

She lost the backing to her name tag somewhere around her desk.

I let her know that I have a bunch extra so if she needed one just take one.

She asks, "So, I can be Eaton today then?"
...

I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I've got eight fridges

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

I'm a chick magnet

The repelling type

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I consider myself to be quite a pussy magnet

Now if I can just figure out how to change the polarity.

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My buddy’s girlfriend walked in on him getting a blowjob from another woman

He didn’t even apologise or anything, just looked her in the eye and said “It’s not my fault, her tongue piercing got magnetically attracted to me.”

That dude must have balls of steel.

people are like magnets

everyone i know must have had something in common with me

If time traveling was common, what historic event would be a tourist magnet?

The birth of Jesus. All the hotels in the area would be fully booked.

An man goes to the ER after swallowing a large magnet.

When asked why, he said, “Well, last night my wife said she just wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I was planning a big surprise tonight when her belly piercing disagreed with her.”

2 magnets walk into a bar

The negative magnet slides over to the positive magnet and says:

Hey, I think I’m attracted to you

What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?

Magnets

Y'now, I love talking about magnets

But it's quite the polarising topic.

What is the best pick up line?

One which has a magnet at the end.

What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet?

A magnet has a positive side.

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What is a magnet's favorite amusement park ride?

A ferrous wheel.

Hot women are like magnets

I don't understand them.

My wife wants to get those alphabet fridge magnets

and I want no part of it. I don't want wake up to things spelled out on there like:

"*You're next*"

Or

"*Look behind you*"

Or

"*I'm leaving you and I took the kid.*"

When in high school, I was always a chick magnet...

...the side that repels.

I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess...

but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.

I'm such a great chick magnet

Too bad I'm the kind that repels rather than attracts

Two magnetic fields are talking to each other

Magnetic field 1: "Aren't you mad that all the coils above you are parallel to your magnetic field?"

Magnetic Field 2: "Nope...I give zero flux!"

Scientists were divided over the effects of the changes in the earth's magnetic field.

They were polarized!

What is the strength of a magnetic field in space?

1 Tesla.

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospe...

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Cats are pussy magnets

But dogs get all the bitches

My friends all call me a chick magnet.

However due to my lack of ferromagnetic material in my chemical makeup I can can’t seem to think of what repels all these girls.

What will happen when the Earth's magnetic poles flip?

I dunno, but I heard Santa's been interviewing penguins to see if they can pull a sleigh.

What did the science teacher say when the kid was experimenting with magnets?

"May the force be with you"

Chick magnet

Sam was a simple fellow, socially awkward, not very attractive, but he had high hopes for meeting girls on his long-awaited Florida vacation. Every day, he went to the beach in hopes of meeting someone special, but every day he was disappointed because all the girls seemed to hang around one certain...

What do you call a magnet that can go both ways?

Bi-Polar

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.

Student: *raises hand*

Professor: Yes?

Student: 1 Earth

3 FISHERMEN

Three men were sitting by the side of Lake Washington holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden came up behind them, tapped them on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, but I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first guy.
"Well, if you’re...

What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

As they stood on top of The Eiffel Tower, watching a beautiful sunset, he got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”

She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”

He said, “Help! My replacement knee is made of magnets.”

A couple of magnets showed their positive side...

they got divorced.

Mars magnetic field is increasing for the first time in millions of years

For a total of one Tesla!

What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm?

Magento

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An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

First I dated a bonfire

People thought she was hot.

Then I dated a magnet, people found her attractive.

Lastly I dated a power outlet. I still don’t know why people were shocked about that one.

Are you ugly?

Buy a magnetic suit, it will make you more attractive.

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

Is it just me or...

Does anybody else find magnets really attractive.

War in the forest

A war breaks out in the forest, and all the animals are called in for mobilization draft.

Bear reluctantly sets off to the local barracks. He doesn't really want to go, he is big, slow, a perfect bullet magnet.
Suddenly, he comes across the fox and the rabbit, sitting by the camp fire, hap...

My last few relationships have drained the life from me.

I'm something of a tick magnet.

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

You may become more attractive

If you eat magnets

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Two guys go golfing

Two guys decide to go golfing.

The first guy goes, "hey, so do you need to go buy some golf balls before we go?

The second guy says, "no. I've already got one."

1: "What do you mean you only have one? You need more than that."

2: "No, you see, it's a special ball, you ca...

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge.

It's a Babe magnet.

A scientist travels back in time to ancient Babylonia to see the beauty of the Hanging gardens...

...after trying to impress the King by demonstrating magnetism between his crown and a magnet, he finds himself in big trouble.

In court, the people are mixed about what his punishment should be. Some see him as a valuable ally while others see him as a dangerous threat. The kind and generous...

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A man gets choice of being reincarnated

A man gets the choice to be reincarnated into whatever being he choses.

He says "God, make me a pussy magnet."

God reincarnates him into a catnip plant.


I'll show myself out.

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