UPJOKE
puppetflorencemister geppettoprotagonisttuscanygiuseppegeppettomarionettegeppojillcapturestarzanzorromacbethhoudini

Pinocchio Jokes

Pinocchio has a new girlfriend...

Pinocchio has a new girlfriend, but they're worried about becoming intimate because she doesn't want to get a bunch of splinters. So Pinocchio goes to Geppetto and asks for assistance with the problem. Geppetto suggests that Pinocchio apply a little bit of sandpaper to his privates prior to the in...

What do Universal Studios and Pinocchio have in common?

They both own a woodpecker

Did you know Pinocchio has a brother?

His name is Pistachio, every time he lies his nuts grow.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

How did Pinocchio die?

He was masturbating and unintentionally set himself ablaze.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Pinocchio

Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriends.

When it is over, he notices she is crying. He asks her what's wrong and she says : "Oh Pinocchio, you're the sweetest lover in the world, but every time we have sex, I get splinters!"

Pinocchio i...

What's Pinocchio's favorite social media app?

BeReal

Why did Pinocchio and Cinderella get fired from Disney?

Cinderella was caught sitting on Pinocchio’s face yelling “lie to me!”

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Did you hear about Pinocchio's naughty girlfriend?

She sat and his face and sang "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

Why couldn't Pinocchio's nose ever grow to be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

Hey Pinocchio would that be your knee?

No it wood knot.

Pinocchio

Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriends.

When it is over, he noticed the girl is weeping.

Being a nice wooden boy, he asks what’s wrong.

« Oh, Pinocchio », she sobs, « You’re a wonderful lover, but every time we make love I have s...

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

I'm writing a movie about Pinocchio joining the mob

Woodfellas

Why does Pinocchio hate flaky girls?

They always string him along

Pinocchio is being interrogated by police

Police Officer: Were you going 60 miles on a 40 mile road?

Pinocchio: Noooooooo

Police Officer: But didn't an officer flag you down?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooo

Police Officer: Your car is the red Toyota right?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

Police Offi...

How did Pinocchio find out he was a wooden boy?

His hand caught fire

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Snow White, Superman, and Pinocchio.

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes ou...

Pinocchio [NSFW]

Pinocchio is making love to his human girlfriend, when she cries, "Stop, Pinocchio, please stop!"

Pinocchio asks, "What's wrong, baby?"

"You're too rough."

Pinocchio thinks for a moment, then says, "I'm sorry, I'll try to be a little more gentle..."

She responds, ...

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

Voldemort:so I just have to lie?

Pinocchio: yep.

I heard that science has discovered a way to reverse the behavior of Pinocchio’s nose, such that genuine statements make it grow.

Huge if true.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Pinocchio and Geppetto are sitting talking one day

Geppetto asks "what's the matter Pinocchio? You seem really depressed"

Pinocchio then replies " aw it's just me and my girlfriend are having problems with our sex life. Every time we try to have sex, she's always complaining about getting splinters and I really don't know what to do about it....

If I made a joke about Pinocchios chest, that would be inappropriate...

wooden tit?

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.

Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.

Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.

A week later, Gepetto asked Pin...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven

When an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him ve...

What is Pinocchio’s father’s favorite wood shaping tool?

A Geppetto file.

The ending to Pinocchio’s story.

He rubbed one out and caught himself self on fire.

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by Pinocchio dolls?

A Gepettophile.

My friend randomly said: "Pinocchio is a trans icon."

Me: Why?

My friend: "I wanna be a real boy!"

(A stupid joke but I wanted to post it anyway)

Did you know that the other wooden marionettes teased Pinocchio for being so heavy?

I guess he wasn't one of of the poplar kids.

Pinocchio was my favorite lover

Every time he lied to me it made me feel so much better

What did Raggedy Ann say when she sat on Pinocchio's face?

Tell a lie...... tell the truth........ tell a lie ....... tell the truth

A Joke for a Sunday

Jesus was relaxing in Heaven when he noticed a familiar looking old man. Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a m...

Why did Pinocchio prefer wooden girls over the real thing?

Because the wooden girls are knotty!

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven.

It's a slow day, but most people are a...

It's St Peter's day off and Jesus is manning the Pearly Gates...

When an old man arrives seeking admission. Jesus starts running through the application form.

"Name?" says Jesus in bored tone of voice.

"Joseph." The old man replies.

"Occupation?" Jesus drone on.

"Carpenter." Jesus looks up a little surprised but he continues.

"C...

Why did pinocchio buy a new monitor

Because he click on "Agree" without reading the "Terms and conditions"

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

NSFW: PINOCCHIO WENT TO GO SEE HIS OLD FRIEND GEPPETTO...

After some small talk,Geppetto ask Pinocchio,"So Pinocchio, tell me,how is your love life?"

Pinocchio reluctantly tells him,"Well Gepetto, the women complain about me getting splinters in their vagina.

"I have just the thing,"Geppetto continues. He leaves the room and came back with so...

What do a religious transman and Pinocchio have in common?

Every night they pray "Please God, I want to be a real boy."

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Why were snowwhite and pinocchio kicked out of Disneyland?

Because snowwhite kept sitting on pinocchio's face screaming "LIE YOU BASTARD, LIE!!"

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?

IT’S A LIIIEEEE!!

Pinocchio had 2 pets.

He had a cat named mittens and a dog named champ. He also had a wood pecker.

Pinocchio got a new job at a tire store

He keeps telling all the customers "I'm a wheel boy."

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Pinocchio.

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said "my nose is going to grow" he would be telling a lie so his nose would then grow,but because it is growing it would make Pinocchio's statement true which would mean that his nose won't grow or might stop growing, but then again because it will stop growing i...

Pinocchio could easily pass a polygraph.

Too bad his lies are too on the nose.

Jesus was walking outside the gates of heaven and he sees an old man sitting on a bench..

He approaches the old man and asks.. "good sir, why have you not entered heaven yet?" The old man replies "I'm waiting for my son, he should be along soon." Jesus thinks for a second and asks "will you tell me of your son? Maybe I know of him." The old man sighs and says "Sadly, we lost touch when...

Jesus quest

When Jesus dies, he arrives in heaven and decides to pay a visit to his adoptive father, Joseph.

He looks around for a bit and then finds a carpenter in a corner, working on a piece of wood all alone.

He approaches, but he's not sure if he recognizes him, so to make sure it's him, he...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

What is Pinocchio's favourite kind of sex?

No strings attached.

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates

when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over.

"Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could...

What do you call an old man with a Pinocchio fetish?

A Geppettophile

Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist

because everyone wanted "no strings attatched"

Pinocchio lied while going down on her.

She was taken aback.

Pinocchio's problem

Pinocchio complains to his father saying 'Whenever I attempt to make love to a woman, she complains of splinters.' His father shows pity and gives Pinocchio a piece of sandpaper to smooth his member down whenever he needs to. A few days later during dinner his father asks, 'How are the girls?' Pino...

Why did Pinocchio’s girlfriend break up with him?

He said “I love you”

What did Pinocchio's girlfriend tell him on Valentine's Day?

Get down there and lie to me!

Pinocchio's love life.

Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the c...

Pinocchio is having issues in bed.

He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.

A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.

"Who needs a girlfriend?"

How does Pinocchio's father know when his son tells a lie?

He just nose it.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

When is it okay for your partner to lie to you during sex?

When his name is Pinocchio and you’re sitting on his face.

Hear about the girl who sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Are you gonna lie to me!?"

Pinocchio said, "Yes... no... yes... no... yes... no...!"

Jesus saw a crying old man while walking in a desert.

He came closer and asked what problem is.

Old man: I’m looking for my son, but I’m gonna lose my hope.

Jesus pitied the man and said, “let’s look for your son together.”

After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Why does Pinocchio lie?

because he's a fucking liar

Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome.

The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!"

What was Pinocchio's defense when he was tried for armed robbery?

well, Geppetto was the one pulling the strings

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

**News Flash** Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie you bastard, lie!".

Do you know what Pinocchio and your dad have in common?

They were both inside a whale.

Jesus at the pearly gates

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask ab...

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Disney jokes

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

Jesus at the Pearly Gates

Jesus is walking past the pearly gates one day when St. Peter asks him to fill in for a while so he can take a break. Jesus is a bit concerned and protests that he doesn't know the admissions procedure. St. Peter tells him it's easy, just look up the name in The Book and pass judgement, and that Jes...

Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and old man crying to himself.

"Why do you cry for Old Man?" Jesus asked.

"I've been searching for my son forever and I'm about to give up hope."

"Well I've been wandering the desert in search of my father for many years, perhaps I've seen your son in my travels. Can you describe him?" Jesus explained.

"He's ...

If cartoon characters become real, who would attract most women?

Pinocchio

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Pinnochio has a big frown on his face...

Pinocchio has a big frown on his face and Gepetto asks him what's wrong. Pinocchio tell him that his girlfriend has stopped having sex with him on account of the splinters she keeps getting. Gepetto thinks about this for a little while and comes up with an idea. He hands Pinocchio a sheet of sandpap...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A man visits his doctor for an exam.

"Well, Mr.Brown." Says the doctor. "I have just discovered that you have one testicle made of wood and another made of steel."

"But that's impossible." Says Mr.Brown. "I've never had any operations and apart from that I have perfectly healthy children."

"How old are your children?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Did you hear Snow White got thrown out of Disney Land?

They caught her sitting on Pinocchio's Face yelling "Lie you little fucker

Saint Peter has a day off...

... so Jesus takes his place. A man arrives at the Pearly Gates.

Jesus: Hello. Name?
Man: Joseph.
Jesus: What did you do for a living?
Man: Well...I was a carpenter.
Jesus: Have you made any good to humanity?
Man: Oh yes. I raised a child that revolutionized the world.

A...

Voldemort: So you‘re saying that I’ll just have to lie?

Pinocchio: Yes.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Why did Pinocchio tell lies?

Because he was a fucking liar!

-from Louis CK's AMA-

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.