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Refund Jokes

Why did the customer demand a refund on their echo chamber?

It wasn't the sound return on their investment they'd hoped for.

"Hey, I was supposed to lose 30 pounds in month, I want a refund"

"Sure. How much did you pay for box?"

"30 pounds!"

"Looks like it works like advertised, anything else I can help you with?"

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A Roman centurion goes to the movie theater. When the movie's over, he asks for a refund.

"No one told me that my movie was going to be a pornographic one," the centurion tells the ticket-taker.

The ticket-taker says, "Sir, look at the marquee. It says right here what kind of movies we play here."

Looking back up at the marquee, the centurion responds "You lie! There are ...
AI Image Generator

I couldn’t get a refund for my BDSM convention ticket

They said their hands were tied.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

FAQ: Can I returned my child and get a refund?

No, but we can give you stork credit.

There was a recall on bird food but most places are offering a refund if you return it.

It strikes me as odd that they would encourage you to give bad feed back.

When is it legal to trick people to go into massive debt to pay for a useless thing with no refund?

When you're selling a bachelor degree in sophistry.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

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My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund

I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:

Butt weight, there's more!

What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open?

Brought it back for a refund.

These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The tr...

I demanded a refund for my geology course

It was very surface level.

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A woman walked into a pet store.

After greeting the store owner, she strolled through the aisles, browsing through the various pets they had on sale. A bulldog with a 50% discount sticker plastered on the kennel containing it caught her eye. She beckoned the shop owner over.

"How much do you want for this little guy?" she a...

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a ...

A policeman is driving past a roadside apple stand when he notices the sign: "Apple seeds, guaranteed to make you smarter, $20 per seed."

He pulls over and informs the vendor that it is fraud and false advertising to make absurd claims like this.

"No, no, no," the vendor tells the cop, "my apples are a special variety. A scientific miracle. Buy just one seed, eat it, and you will notice an increase in intelligence. If not, I pr...

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Amazon won't refund me after sending me the wrong fertilizer.

This is some bullshit.

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Blonde woman takes a dildo back to the adult shop and asked for a refund, owner asks why? Blonde Replies.

It has knocked all my fucking teeth out.

Why can't the pregnant women in Alabama ask for a refund on their package?

Because there will always be a delivery.

So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:

"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."

I asked the shopkeeper if he thought I should be refunded for my faulty abacus

He told me not to count on it.

A lumberjack walks into a shop to buy a chainsaw...

The shopkeeper picks one out and says "this one can cut down 5 trees in 2 minutes". The lumberjack is impressed by this and buys the chainsaw. 2 days later, the lumberjack comes back to the shop with the chainsaw and asks for a refund.

"This is a complete rip-off, I only managed to cut down ...

Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.

Tickets are non-refundable.

I experienced the WORST customer service today at a store downtown...

I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Wednesday morning I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work.

So today, I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl...

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The Sex Shop Fatality.

A man walks into a sex shop to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and...

I saw a lady in tears at the store

She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside. I gave her 100$ because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot.
#payitforward

What is it called when you rob a government official?

A refund!

A man sees a life-sized rat statue in an old junk store.

And he isn't sure why, but he finds the rat statue very interesting and decides to buy it. Afterwards he's walking down the street holding the statue under his arm when he looks behind and sees two rats following him. A few minutes later there are more. Soon there are dozens or even hundreds of rats...

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

The Best Things In Life Are FREE!*

\*Plus Shipping & Handling - Lifetime Warranty - No Refunds No Returns

I donated my body to science the other day

bast*rds sent it back and demanded a refund

Yo mama jokes thread

What are some of the best "Yo mama" jokes of recent times?


I'll go first: Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

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Sal the boxing promoter gets a call Saturday morning of fight night

“Hey boss, it’s Joe at the gym. Big Frank’s had an accident and broke his thumb. He can’t fight for a month”
Sal goes into a melt down. Big Frank was his heavyweight prospect and the headline of that nights card in the Big Apple. Faced with refunding the tickets he gets on the phone to all the ot...

The Brass Rat

One day a guy was browsing in an antique shop. He didn't find anything he liked and was about to leave, when suddenly at the back of a shelf he spied a brass rat. It was fascinating, the detail was incredible, he couldn't take his eyes off it. He brought it up to the counter to ask how much it wa...

An Inuit man walks into a pet store...

An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."

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The Pickled Penis

An attractive young lady had recently lost her husband to illness, and while she wasn’t ready to engage in another relationship quite yet, she was certainly missing sex. So, to fill this need, she decided to visit a sex shop and purchase a toy.

As she has never in her life used a toy, she ask...

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So a guy buys a $5 hooker.....

They have sex and the next day the guys realizes he has crabs. The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund

The hooker goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"

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A Man Walks Into A Pet Shop

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner “I want to get a pet that will impress my friends. I don’t want anything normal though, so do you have any weird or extraordinary pets?” The pet shop owner says “I’ve got just the thing.” He pulls out a match box and says “This here is a talking cent...

The Nigerian football team apologize for their poor performance in yesterday's match.

They will be issuing refunds for anyone who purchased tickets. Just send in your bank details and pin number...

A man is on his deathbed with...

his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath, he tells her that there were two times he suspected she cheated on him, and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lo...

***2020 CANCELLED***

After careful consideration, we have decided that it is no longer in the best interests of everyone involved to proceed with 2020.

While we recognize that a lot of hard work has gone into preparing for 2020, if we're honest it has just turned into a bit of a sh*tshow and we feel it best just ...

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.

"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring or normal pet - no cats, dogs, or birds - I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?," the main replied, "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is $50. Happy with the u...

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A man is watching the news one day

There is a commercial advertising a weight loss company. It says that you can lose anywhere from 5 pounds to 50 pounds in increments of five and it only cost $10. They said they have a 100% satisfaction guarantee and if you aren’t satisfied you can have a refund.

The man believes that this is...

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

Fallout 3: "Where's my father?" Fallout 4: "Where's my son?"

Fallout 76: "Where's my refund?"

One day, a guy went into a store,

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.


The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. ...

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NSFW an old one told to me long ago

A woman walks into an small cantina and sees a live frog sitting on the shelf. She proceeds to ask the bartender "what's up with the frog?"

Bartender replies: "That there frog is guaranteed to get any woman off"

The woman laughs it off

Time goes by, a few drinks later she asks.....

Man and Psychic

Man: Will I pay u?

Psychic: No

Man: Wrong! here’s 10 bucks

Psychic: Dammit

Man: I want a refund

Just got the email "Webinar on how to avoid frauds is cancelled"

And the fee is non-refundable.

A man goes to buy a parachute

He asks the cashier,
“what happens if the parachute fails to deploy?”

The cashier responds: “ Oh, Just pull the reserve chute, you will be fine.”

The man asks again: “What if the reserve chute fails???”

The cashier responds: “ Well, In that case bring it back and we will giv...

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There once was a man in a happy marriage, save for one aspect - his member was so sizable he could not fully insert himself into his wife without causing her pain.

One night, this frustration boiled over, and he headed out to find a bordello - surely, if he was to find a woman to accommodate his size, it would be there.


As he walks into the parlor, he eyes a man behind the counter and tells him his troubles. The man says, "Well, that's a pickle, but...

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Apples $5

So a man is driving down the road one day when he sees a sign that says : "Apples $5" astonished at the cost he decides he has to investigate. When he arrives at the farm he walks over to the farmers stand and ask the farmer why the apples cost so much. The farmer tells him that the apples taste li...

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A farmer had a donkey that will only eat part of its food.

It was very strong and fit, but whenever they were given food, they left a significant portion.

At one point, another farmer comes by and, seeing as how the donkey is big and strong, wants to buy it.

So the first farmer parts with his donkey.

The next day, the second farmer come...

I have the only identity where if it was stolen...

The person who brought it would ask for a refund

A Trump supporter was upset...

...about having ordered custom "Trump 2020-2024" merchandise from China and now not being able to get a refund. "I just can't accept that I have to kiss my 10 yuan goodbye." I nodded sympathetically but advised him that he'll just have to accept bye ten yuan.

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I went to watch a standup comedian who kept making stereotypical Jew jokes towards me...

I was so upset I demanded a double refund

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

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A man see's a sign on a bar window "Win $1,000,000 - Details inside"

Curiosity peaked, he enters the bar and asks the bartender what's required to win the million.



"Ah, that?" The bartender casually replied, offering a challenging smirk. "It requires the completion of 3 tasks I believe to be impossible. It brought in a lot of business when I first put ...

Tung was out for a walk on a hot day.

The sun was shining, and the clouds were absent. During his walk, he discovers a man with 2 gorillas by his side. Dumbfounded, Tung asks, “I can’t help but notice you have 2 gorillas there. I was curious as to why.” The man looks up and exclaims “I’m selling them! 100 silver each.” Suspicious, yet i...

Webinar: How to Avoid Fraud. Registration Fee $99

The webinar is canceled. Registration fee is non refundable.

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I was masturbating to this sex scene once

They asked me to leave the movie theatre and didn’t even refund my ticket

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

Just found out I passed my drug test at work today!

My damn dealer owes me a big refund!

A man calls his doctor and says "I'd like to cancel my tomorrow's appointment."

The doctor replies:

- Well, in such a case it will not be refunded, as appointments need to be cancelled three days in advance if you want a refund.

- Can I have it rescheduled then?

- Yes. What do you think about 3:30 PM next Friday?

- That is all right.

- Thank y...

At the food court today, I was behind this lady arguing with a food vendor.

It seems she ate 3/4 of her food but decided she didn’t like it and insisted on a full refund. I felt bad for the young girl working the front alone, but mostly just wanted to get back to my kids, so I interrupted with the intention of offering to pay for her meal.

She turns around and sticks...

Investing in an assisted suicide centre has its pros and cons

The service is non-refundable but there are no repeat customers

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I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.

I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless bastards.

Your momma's so dumb...

She thought a quarterback was a refund

A blond go into parachute shop

She come to the cashier and ask him how to use the parachute, he then explain to her that after she jump, she need to pull the yellow string. She ask him "But what if i will pull it and the parachute won't open?". He then explain her that this is a special parachute with backup, and if the yellow st...

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A bloke heads down to a pet shop in search of an animal to give him some company as he gets lonely at home.

He didn't have many friends and wanted a pet to give him purpose. The bloke walks into the pet shop and gets greeted by the cashier

"Good afternoon sir what can I help you with today?"

"I've come to look for a pet to keep me company" The bloke replies.

"Well then I've got jus...

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An employee of a sex toy shop answers a call from a customer...

“Hi, I purchased a cock cage from your store on Tuesday. Even though the box clearly states it’s made for men with extra large penises, the cage was still too small to fit me,” the customer explained.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the worker responded. “But unfortunately, it sounds like you did o...

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Zlatan Facts

1. When Zlatan crosses the street, cars look both ways.

2. Zlatan doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair can't grow on steel

3. You can't use 'Zlatan' as your password because it is 'too strong'.

4. Zlatan wakes up his alarm clock every morning.

5. Ghosts sit...

3 friends split a hotel room cost evenly.

(More of a riddle hope it's okay)

The cost of the hotel is $30 so they each pay $10.

After they have settled in their room the manager realizes there was actually a deal and the room only cost $25.

The manager sends the bell hop with the $5 to refund them but on the way there h...

If you had purchased

$1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you...

You've had a bad day but...

The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.


The flesh eating virus barely touched your other arm.


Imagine what would have happened if your ex-wife had a *good* lawyer.


The fertility drugs worked 4 times better than expected.


The insurance company ...

Another parrot joke.

A boy decides he'd like to have a parrot. But searching around he finds that they are all very expensive. He finally finds one at a discount a a local pet shop but it has a crooked beak.

He decides to buy it anyway because he's read on the internet that it can be carefully filed straight. ...

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

The real reason not all Costco’s sell ice...

they don’t want to refund every person with a cup of water.

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Mother asks little Johny to go to a shop...

...but she only has a £50 note therefore she says to him "I'm giving you £50 and you have to buy bread, milk and butter only. Do not buy anything else and bring the change back."

As he was told, he goes to a shop but he sees a huge teddy bear for £50 and he buys it. He comes back home...

r/Jokes has finally started to do something about all the reposts

If you see a reposted joke, they'll refund your subscription fees.

The Deep Sea Marine company was sued by a disgruntled customer.

The Deep Sea Marine claimed to be the best at making flawless, impenetrable submarines. Of their five years of service, they were sued only once for a faulty submarine.

"I demand a refund, and more! I almost died!" shouted the customer.

The company was confused entirely, until the law...

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The Naked Spa

An old man decided to pay a Naked Spa a visit. After registering for a new membership and changing into his birthday suit, he decided to take a walk around the place all naked and stuff.

Along the way, he saw a young naked woman which gave him a boner. The woman noticed him, so she walked ove...

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A man and a frog

One evening a man was taking a walk and was passing by a pet store. The pet store owner was stand in front holding a large frog.
As the man was passing, "Hey Mr. You want to buy this frog?" "No. I don't want to buy that frog"
Store owner says " This frog will give you the best blow job you ev...

If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work...

see me after, and I'll give you a refund.

Tiny Concerto

So, a guy walks into a bar. It's early in the afternoon, and he's the only customer, so he sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings it, sets it down, and says, "That'll be 20 dollars." The man looks at him, wide-eyed, and says "Twenty dollars? For one freaking beer?" "Oh no", say...

This Gum Tastes Like Rubber

Condom-vending Machines are provided in some restrooms. When it comes to wall-scrawl, these dispensers take as much abuse as the wall above the urinals and the wisdom written in the stalls. Here are samples of what was scratched into the paint of various dispensers in the USA:

'This gum taste...

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