The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light-particles in here.”

A tachyon walks into a bar.

A man walks into the particle store

A man walks into the particle store to buy particles to make atoms. He browses, finds what he needs and pays for it.

However, when looking on his receipt afterwards, he sees that the clerk forgot to ring up an item. He says "Sir, you forgot the neutrons". The clerk looks up at him and says: "...

I don't believe anything that subatomic particles tell me

They make up everything.

Two dust particles meet in a vacuum cleaner

"Man, I hate this place" says one of them.
"Yeah, it sucks."

Why are photons the saddest particles?

They keep hearing people say that they don't matter.

Two particles are trapped in a field

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

Why do charged particles have a fetish for fruit?

Because they’re always coming in pears.

I come from a family of scientists who share the surname 'Matter.' We all get along, just like the particles we study.

Except for my Auntie Matter.

I've been calibrating my new device which measures the electric charge of subatomic particles by testing it on Protons

So far, the results have been positive.

I heard there's a guy that destroyed a group of Higgs Boson particles.

He's a mass murderer.

How fast are the particles in the Large Hadron Collider going?

Super cern-ic

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"

T...

Chinese physicists have discovered long, hard, negatively-charged particles.

They call them erectrons.

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church

The preacher says "We don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here!"

The Higgs Boson particle says "If you don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here, how do you have mass?"

What do you get when you cross 10 sodium particles with the Dark Knight?

Nananananananananana BATMAN!

What do you say to two dust particles making out in the street?

Get a broom, you two.

I saw a doctor's office that does proton therapy.

I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.

Really long IQs

A blonde girl goes to get her IQ tested. When the results come in, the doctor tells her “Your IQ is so long that for me to give it as a regular number would require more particles than are in the known universe, so instead, I'll give it in scientific notation, ***AND*** that scientific notation will...

At one point in time...

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

Yo moma is so stupid....

she could observe the particles in the double slit experiment and still get an interference pattern

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] So a man walks into a pet store, searching for a companion.

The man sees this brightly colored parrot on display, but there's a problem, the store owner tells the man. You see, this parrot's last owner was a foul-mouth, and the bird's vocabulary is crude, to say the least.

But the man is lonely, and his life is boring. The parrot might spice things ...

Science/nre joke

What particles in a reactor are the happiest?



Delayed neutrons.

2 scientists see atoms for the first time.

Scientist 1: So everything is made up of these tiny particles?

Scientist 2: I guess so.

Scientist 1: What should we call the things they make up?

Scientist 2: Why name it? It doesn't seem that important to me.

Scientist 1: Are you sure? Cause I think it all Matters.

A physicist walks in to an ice cream parlor...

... sits down and orders himself an ice cream and also a second ice cream that then offers to the empty stool next to him. He does this every day for about a week. Finally, the owner comes up to him and asks,
"Good afternoon. We were all wondering what's the deal with you ordering the second i...

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT: ADMINISTRATIUM

I found this in my humor folder while cleaning out old files. It's the only one that I didn't see posted previously on Reddit. Hope I didn't just miss it.

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT: ADMINISTRATIUM

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by University phys...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

ESA to release second probe "SHIO" to 67P

The "Philae-Shio" team will be sucking in 67P's particles and spitting out information to be sent back to ESA for examination.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.