Particles Jokes

A tachyon walks into a bar...

They were mass-debating

A quarkscrew.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

Top and bottom quarks

Futons

They make up everything.

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

He's a mass murderer.

Because they’re always coming in pears.

So far, the results have been positive.

Super cern-ic

Nananananananananana BATMAN!

It was his meson scène.

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".

They call them erectrons.

The preacher says "We don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here!"

The Higgs Boson particle says "If you don't allow Higgs Boson particles in here, how do you have mass?"

Get a broom, you two.

Wasted on the night before, the two arrive at the university well after the exam ended. They went straight to the professor, saying that they couldn't take the test because one of the car's tires had gone flat. Surprisingly, the professor allows them and promptly tells them to come back tomorrow.... read more

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.

When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says “We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit”.

T... read more

A son asks his dad "Daddy, what is string theory?"

The dad replied "Why are you asking me such difficult questions, come on ask me something easier"

The son then asks "Um ok so why does mommy get mad sometimes?"

"String theory is a theoretical framework in which the point-like p... read more

I had no idea they were charged particles before!

I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.

she could observe the particles in the double slit experiment and still get an interference pattern

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u... read more

What particles in a reactor are the happiest?



Delayed neutrons.

... sits down and orders himself an ice cream and also a second ice cream that then offers to the empty stool next to him. He does this every day for about a week. Finally, the owner comes up to him and asks,
"Good afternoon. We were all wondering what's the deal with you ordering the second i... read more

Knowing that this will be an incredibly hard task, the scientist devotes every day to the task, until they have created the teleporter.

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ... read more

Scientist 1: So everything is made up of these tiny particles?

Scientist 2: I guess so.

Scientist 1: What should we call the things they make up?

Scientist 2: Why name it? It doesn't seem that important to me.

Scientist 1: Are you sure? Cause I think it all Matters.

The "Philae-Shio" team will be sucking in 67P's particles and spitting out information to be sent back to ESA for examination.