Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.

Due to all the indoor fins.

What do you call a tropical island in the dead of winter?

Brrrmuda!

Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA

but they never say when it’ll hit.

I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...

I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants. One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diamet...

How much soda can a tropical bird drink?

Tucans

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Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

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A plane ditches off the coast of a deserted tropical island. The pilot, the co-pilot and a hot stewardess are the only survivors...

They start to set up camp. John, the pilot builds a hut, Jack, the co-pilot does his best in hunting and gathering, and Jane a campfire going. The eat all together, look at the stars and ponder on their new fate. After nightfall, they get into the hut, cuddle to keep warm and fall asleep.

The...

What do you call a religious tropical tree?

A psalm tree.

What do you call an emo kid in Hawaii

A tropical depression

Me and my friend were out camping in a thick tropical forest.

As we set camp for the night, we were being swarmed by huge mosquitoes. My friend, being a person who was brought up in a posh neighborhood, had never seen such an insect and was terrified. After having a hard time spraying mosquito repellent inside the camp and our sleeping bags, we slid into our s...

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Dave gets shipwrecked and stranded on a small tropical island...

... he sets out to explore his new surroundings, and finds another survivor. It's Taylor Swift. He's a bit star-struck at first, but manages to pull it together enough to help her up off the shore.

He manages to build a hut for shelter, and starts a fire for warmth overnight, and finds edib...

What did the tropical bird say when the monkey stole his fruit?

Toucan play at that game.

My wife thinks our neighbor owns tropical birds.

Ever since I said I liked her two cans.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the intercom on a large intercontinental flight announces, "this is your captain speaking. Please look out of the window on the port, or left side of the aircraft, and you will see that the left engine is on fire..."

"Now please look out of the starboard window, or right side of the aircraft, and you will see that the wing is breaking off, and will soon separate from the fuselage..."


"Now, please look down, to the tropical island below. At the beach, you will notice a small orange object. It is a life...

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

I was throwing oranges at tropical birds.

One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”

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Why People Hate School Re-Unions

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

 They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey ...

How many tropical birds does it take to change a light bulb?

Well if one can't, toucan

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My Wife's vagina tastes like a tropical fruit.

She'll let any mango in there.

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A Japanese, a German and a Mexican are lost in a tropical island, when they found a cannibal tribe

“We eat you now” -Says the tribe boss.

“Please, no” -Says the mexican. -“you can eat fruits if you want, why humans being”

“We like human, we eat humans” -said the boss.

“If we bring you fruits, you can eat fruits instead of eating us” -Continue the mexican.

The tribe bos...

What do you call a tropical food that gets you high?

A cocainut

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A plane went down over the ocean, and three of the survivors end up stranded on a remote tropical island.

They don't get very far before a tribe of cannibals capture them and bring them back to their village as prisoners. One of the men says "Please don't eat us! We'll do anything!". The cannibal's chief decides to have a bit of fun with them and says "Oh? Well then, go into the forest and come back wit...

I hear there's a tropical storm Karen heading for the US...

They have warn all department stores and fast-food joints in the coastal area to batten down their managers.

Prawn again...

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One was called Justin and the other was called Christian. Life was good, except that the prawns were constantly being chased and threatened by sharks. Finally one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm tired o...

Three christian missionaries stumble upon a cannibal tribe in a tropical jungle

They are immediately captured, and taken back to the village.



The first missionary is brought in front of the chief, who amazingly speaks good English.

He tells the first missionary, "head out into the jungle, find a single fruit, and bring ten of its kind back. Don't think of ...

What is the name of an annoying creature that is notorious for biting humans in the tropics?

Luiz Suarez.

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What do a tropical bird expert and a pornstar have in common?

They both know how to handle a cockatoo.

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An American, a Mexican, and a Canadian are all shipwrecked on a tropical island..

When they are taken captive by the local tribe. The tribal lead tells them "the bad news is, we are going to kill you. We will use your bones for our tools, your muscle for food, and your flesh for our canoes. The good news is, we will let you choose how we kill you.

The American chooses to ...

When I’m in Hawaii, sometimes I get sad.

It must be tropical depression.

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A small plane crashes on a tropical island. Only the two pilots and the flight assistant survive.

Soon they started to organize their lives, prepare a shelter, water etc.

Few days’ passes and then one night around the campfire they start chatting. Pilot1: let’s say it loud, we are two men and a woman on a desert island, we have our needs: let’s find an agreement about sex. The three star...

A Man is Shipwrecked On A Tropical Island...

He finds a native village on the shore. The people there take him in, and he has a pleasant life while waiting for rescue. Only one thing bothers him. From the villages up in the hills he can hear drums beating constantly, night and day.
He talks to the chief of the village,
"Those drums ...

I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida...

...you could say I have tropical depression.

Tropical Storm Jose will not make it into the US.

Donald Trump won't allow it.

It was bummed that it raining during our honeymoon in the Bahamas

My wife said, “why so gloomy? It’s not like it’s a hurricane!”

“I know,” I said, “just a little tropical depression.”

How do you brainwash a tropical nation?

Air conditioning.

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Three men were shipwrecked and washed up onto a tropical island...

After the first night the men woke up in the morning and were surrounded by a native tribe of the island.

Not being able to understand the language the men believed they were being rescued by the tribe.

They returned to the tribes village and quickly learned that tribe was cannibalis...

Why were hurricanes and tropical storms originally always given women's names?

Because when they first come along it's all wet and wild with lots of suckin and blowin, but by the time it's over and they leave - your house is gone, your boat's gone, your truck's gone...

Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together?

Well I won't explain now, it's toucan fusing.

A tropical storm goes through Mississippi and Alabama

and becomes a tropical depression.

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After being shipwrecked, Joe washed up on a tropical island...

The modernized local tribe soon found him, fed and clothed him, then took him to their chief. Conversing in fluent English, Joe and the chief took a liking to one another, and the chief soon offered Joe his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage. Having just been shipwrecked and being a shy virgin,...

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So dude wins the lottery...

...comes home. Bursts through the front door beaming!

"Honey! Pack your bags! I hit the jackpot! 323 MILLION DOLLARS!", he exclaims!

His wife begins reeling from the information. Almost fainting she says, "We won the lottery?! Oh my goodness, dear! Where should I pack for? The tr...

Save me, Doc

A man just back from a long trip through the tropics starts feeling very unwell. He goes to see his doctor, but passes out in the office and is rushed to hospital for tests.

The man wakes up alone in a private room, feeling awful, wondering what is happening to him. Soon, a phone by his bed r...

John, Paul and Peter were running through a tropical jungle when...

...they heard their pursuers (a rebel group) nearby. They saw an abandoned farmhouse and entered it. There was nothing there that they could use to fight the rebels off. They only saw three empty burlap sacks. The trio entered the sacks and stayed still. The rebels entered the farmhouse and saw the ...

A man is on a tropical vacation

A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when drumming stops."
Later that day, the drumming is still go...

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean...

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with bein...

My wife is on a tropical food diet and the house if full of the stuff...

It's enough to make a mango crazy.

A brunette, red head, and blonde are taken hostage on a tropical island...

"Any last words?" They ask the brunette while pointing a gun in her direction.
"TORNADO!", she yelled.
They turn around and look for a tornado, the brunette escapes while they look away.

They pointed the gun towards the red head next and asked her, "any last words?"
"VOLCANO!"
The...

A jewelry store owner and his two employees go on lunch break together

At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.

The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."

The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded ...

Jungle Drums

An anthropologist went to study a far-flung tropical island. He found a guide with a canoe to take him upriver to the remote site where he would make his observations. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. The anthropologist asked his guide, "What are those dr...

I once sold my toucan to a power plant.

I once sold my toucan (ya know, the type of tropical bird), whose name was Drea, to a power plant. I was told he'd simply be entertainment for the workers, sort of like a pet. Eventually, however, our local PETA caught wind of this and intervened. Drea was sent to a nearby bird shelter, where my ...

A man is shipwrecked on a tropical island

He wanders along the beach and finds a village. The villagers are friendly, and take him in. He enjoys life in the village, except for one thing. All day and all night, he can hear the sound of drums from up in the hills.

One day he asks the chief, "What is the deal with those drums? It never...

An Englishman’s wife goes on vacation

He goes down the pub celebrate with his mates and tells them that she’s gone for seven days to a tropical island.

One of his mates asks, “Jamaica?”

The man replies, “No—she wanted to go!”

What is a cat's favorite tropical destination?

Meowi

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

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Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

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A US senator died and went to heaven.

When he gets to heaven Saint Peter is waiting for him at the pearly gates.
Peter says: "Oh a Senator huh? Well we have a special deal for you! Since you spent your life trying to reach across the aisle to both parties we give you 24 hours in both heaven and hell and at the end of 48 hours you g...

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A woman was racing home; running stop signs and drifting around corners...

She came hauling ass into the driveway; car screeching to a hault. She ran straight into the house. Slammed the door and shouted excitedly:

"Honey, pack your bags; I just won the lottery!"

Husband came out of his office, and ran up to the banister.

"Oh my god! What should I pack...

An Italian man travels to the Caribbean

An Italian man saved up his money and after many years he finally had enough money to attain his lifelong dream, traveling to the tropics of Central America. He explored many different towns and beaches as he traveled around the beautiful land. But in one place he found a beach that was disgusting a...

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Three men are walking along the beach...

Three men are walking along the beach of a tropical island when they encounter a lone mermaid. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her.

Eventually, the first man asks "Have you ever been kissed
before?"...

A man won the lottery and called his wife asking her to pack her clothes

Wife: should i pack for a tropical or a European holiday.

Husband: pack whatever you want, what's important is that you are not there when i get home.

Bill Gates dies and meets God at the Gates of Heaven (pun intended)

God says: “Hi Bill, now in your life, you’ve had an equal amount of good and bad things in your life, so I’m going to show you around Heaven and Hell and let you choose where you go.”
Bill says: “Ok” and follows God into Heaven.
Now Heaven is the stuff you’ve heard of, clouds, angels, animals ...

Insurance money

This is a true story. Stop me if you've heard it before.

Two guys are sitting on the beach, enjoying the tropical environs, sipping their fancy drinks and watching the sun set over the beautiful blue sea.

1st man: Man this is the life.2nd man: Yup, it sure is.

1st: Mind if I...

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After a plane crash, only one woman and two men survived and are lost on a virgin island...

...so they start organizing their new lives, because they have no hope of ever seeing help. While one of them is in charge of hunting and picking fruits, the others build a house, etc.

One day however, the woman decides to convoke both men and expose her frustration:

"It's been so long...

Tale of the banana.

There once was a young man who was so enthralled with bananas that he decided to go down to the tropics and start up a plantation of his own. He saved up his money and within a few years, found himself in a jungle city making deals to purchase the land required to start a plantation. This however, w...

Four friends decide to create a new tradition

They all have their birthdays the same week, so when they turn 50, they decide they would go every ten years to celebrate at a fancy restaurant.

The first time, when they turn 50, they have a discussion about where to go.

Friend 1: Let's go to the *Thai Orchid*, I heard they have reall...

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3 men are wandering trough a desert.

3 men are wandering lost and hungry through a desert.
They've all but given up hope to make it out alive when they stumble upon a golden lamp in the sand. One of them picks it up and start rubbing the sand off of it. As the last grain of sand falls off the lamp a magical genie appears and with ...

TIL Most of the world's coco is produced in Africa.

This is because of part of the continent's tropical savanna climate, particularly its precipitation. I love chocolate, so I'm really grateful for this.

Next time I eat a candy bar, I'll have to bless the rains down in Africa.

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There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

Cruise Control

*Author's note: I just came up with this while working my tech-related job, and I'm posting from my phone. I apologize if the joke just isn't as funny as I think it is, or if there are any formatting mistakes.*

A cruise ship is swept up in a violent tropical storm, throwing it off-course. The...

A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office

Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.
The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double.
The man asks for his first wish.
"The first thing I want is a million dollars."
The genie says, "Okay, but you ...

What do you call a popular joke about the rainforest?

Tropical humor

The tale of the clever dog

Once upon a time, a plane crashed inside a tropical islands little jungle. A dog, being the last passenger alive, decides to abandon the plane in hopes of finding a way out of the jungle.

While walking in the jungle, the dog notices a tiger behind it. The riger not knowing that the dog is awa...

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

What's the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder?

A tropical depression.

Good news and bad news

A company of soldiers have been trudging through tropical jungle for three sweaty, dirty days, on a forced march.
The Captain calls his men to fall in, and says 'I've got some good news and some bad news to tell you.
The good news is, you are all getting a change of underwear.'
'What's the ...

A JOURNEY FROM MAN TO MONK

There was once a man just like me and you. He woke up in the morning, went to work and enjoyed a beer with his friends in the evening.

One day the man was walking down an empty street when a young man jumped at him with a knife, stabbed him and took his money.

The man thought surely h...

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Bill, Bonnie, and Ted

So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally...

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Three men get captured. (slightly long)

Three men (Bob Joel and Steve) go hiking on a tropic island where they get captured by cannibals.

The cannibal chief told the three men that if they can do two things they would be set free. If they couldn't they would be eaten.

The chief told the three men to go pick ten fruit of the...

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A couple Limericks...

There once was a man from Ireland
With balls made of fine brass
In stormy weather
They clanked together
And sparks shot out of his ass

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who was jerking off in a gutter
The tropical heat
Affected his meat
S...

A husband and wife...

A husband and wife are celebrating their 10th anniversary. The husband surprises her and takes her on a vacation to a tropical island, far away. Getting excited the wife says, "If this is for our 10th anniversary then what are you planning for our 25th?" The husband says back, "I'll send over a j...

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the...

On vacation I got sad and started drinking 40's.

You might say my tropical depression turned into a case of hurricanes.

Why can't the drums never stop?

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks, "Wow, this is cool."

He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums.

This g...

A Puerto Rican meteorologist sought counseling.

When asked "why?" he replied, "Tropical Depression."

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Honey.

A kindergarten class is learning about colours through the taste of various flavours of candy. The teacher tells all of the students to close their eyes as she places the first flavour in each one of their hands. After everyone has one, she permits them to taste it and gives them hints as to what th...

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A ship went down on a reef...

There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.

They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have sex. As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and...

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