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Infestation Jokes

I think I have a chameleon infestation

But there is no real way to tell

How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem?

He called the SWAT team

I hope I can save my herb garden from this infestation.

I'm running out of thyme!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old blind man walks into a pub and sits at the bar.

He orders a pint and tells the landlord, "I've been blind for 50 years lad. My hearing's perfectly attuned. I bet can tell you what's happening in any room in this pub."

"Oh really", says the landlord, "go ahead then".

The old man cups a hand round his ear, tilts his head to the ceil...

Squirrels and Religion

Squirrels and Religion

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.



At...

A man moves in an old apartment

He notices the place is ridden with moths. Not knowing what to do, he calls his mother who tells him to buy some mothballs.

He goes to a nearby store and buys a pound of mothballs. The next day, he goes back and buys another pound. That same day he returns and buy yet another pound.

...

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A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover, “into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom di...

The one with the Exterminator

A woman is in bed with his
Lover when her husband arrives home. The lover immediately hides inside the closet, while the woman covers with a sheet.
The husband changes clothes and opens the closet, finding the naked man.
“what are you doing in this closet?”, the husband asks.
- well,...

A young man moves into a new house...

Everything is going well, however, in one room, from under the floorboard, rowdy carpenter ants come crawling out.


The young man asks his neighbor what to do.


His neighbor informs him that this ant infestation can only be quelled by other ants; if you get well-behaved ants an...

A woman calls her lover over

A woman invites her lover over while her husband is out of the house. The lover comes over and they have their fun, but before they finish they hear someone coming up the stairs.

"Oh no," the wife says, "it's my husband! Quick, find somewhere to hide until I can get you home safely." She ru...

So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse...

If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

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