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Opportunist Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The glass is half empty" says the pessimist.

"The glass is half full" says the optimist.

"While you dumb fucks were arguing, I drank your water" says the opportunist.

"That wasn't water" says the urologist.

What's the difference between a Cardassian and a Kardashian?

One is a vicious, opportunistic race, bent on subjugation and domination through whatever insidious and ethically-questionable means they have at hand.

The other is a fictional race from Star Trek.

A man decides to treat himself one day and buys a ticket to the Superbowl.

He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat's taken.

"It isn't actual...

An optimist says the glass of wine is half full, the pessimist says it’s half empty, and the realist says it’s not one or the other, but exactly halfway filled.

Meanwhile while the three are arguing, the opportunist comes in and drinks the entire glass of wine.

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman (NSFW)

So, Superman's cruising the skies above Metropolis, just chill in', taking in the views, when all of a sudden he spots a butt-naked Wonderwoman lying on a rooftop, sunbathing, legs wide open.

Being the opportunist he is, S decides to dive down at light-speed to seize this golden opportunity, ...

An inventor is about to pass, leaving all he has to his only family. His two children.

He was a very altruistic person in life, only using his inventions to help people and not make any profit. His daughter admired this trait and followed this path becoming a tinkerer herself. His son, however, was an opportunist. He would always attempt to make a profit off any of his father's invent...

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