911 Operator Jokes

"911 What's your emergency?" She answers.

"My friend and I were walking through the woods when he just collapsed. I think he died." A man responds. He is very nervous

"Ok, calm down. First, make sure he's dead." The operator replies.

There's a silence on the phone. Then, there's... read more

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t... read more

Me: This man keeps laughing at me!

Operator: That sounds annoying, but it isn't a crime.

Me: then what hell is manslaughter?

The caller says, "Help! I was out hunting with my friend, and he slipped and fell down a slope and hit a rock and I think he's dead!"

"Calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's actually dead."

The operator hears a shot, and then the caller says, "Okay, now what?"

911- "911, what's your emergency?"

Man-"Yes, there are 2 girls fighting over me right now."

911- "Sir, I don't see how this qualifies as an emergency"

Man- "The ugly one is winning"

Says the male 911 operator: "That sounds pretty good for you, why do you want the police to come?"

Says the caller: "Because the fat one is winning!"

It just wasn't my calling.

The 911 operator says “Simple. Have a muted trumpet cover the part.”

"My friend and I were out on a camping trip and I think he had a heart attack and he might have died and I don't know what to do".

The operator says to him "OK. Stay calm. First lets make sure he is dead".

The man says OK and a minute later the operator hears a gun shot. The man comes ... read more

911 Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Drunk southern man: A man's been shot. I need an am-bu-ance.

911 Operator: Where are you at?

Man: I'm on Sycamore Street.

Operator: Sir you're going to have to spell that.

Man: Si... No, Sy... Tell you what, I'll drag him ov... read more

He and his coworker where fixing some phone lines in a remote location, far from the city.

His coworker, not knowing what to do, climbs to the top of the telephone pole, connects his service telephone to the wires and calls 911.

The guy on the pole: "Hello, emergencies? My coworker was... read more

Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.

"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.

"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"
... read more

"Help me!" she said. "My son just swallowed a fork!"

The 911 operator told her not to worry and that he would send over an ambulance right away.

"What should I do until it arrives?" the mother asked him.

"Use a spoon"

“My wife is having a baby! Her contractions are only one minute apart!”

“Calm down,” the 911 operator says. “Is this her first child?”

“No, you idiot!” the guy shouts. “This is her husband!”

She sees 2 of her male co-workers chatting, and one of them makes a joke, they both start laughing.

The woman, who is in a bad mood, thought that they were laughing at her, so she says "Hey, stop that!". The men don't hear them over the sound of their own laughter. The woman then says that if... read more

**911 operator:** What is your emergency?
**Woman:** Our maid is stealing from us!
**911 operator:** Did you catch her stealing?
**Woman:** Yes! I came home from the store and found my husband pulling beads out of her ass!

They are walking along with their guns and enjoying the outdoors when one man suddenly collapses. His friend grabs him to see what's wrong, but he won't move. He knows something is wrong and calls 911.

911 Operator: "911 operator, what is your emergency?"

Friend: "My buddy just colla... read more

Two hunters are walking through the woods and having a great time. When all of the sudden one falls to the ground, eyes roll back in their head, and it not breathing.

So the other friend calls 911, "Help my friend just died and I do not know what to do!?"

The 911 operator says, "Well ... read more

I wrote, "The 911 operator."

Husband: "Hello, 911? Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."

911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are wel... read more

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911, what's the emergency?"

"Oh man oh man oh man"

"Calm down, sir. What has happened?"

"I shot Bill. I think it's bad. He's bleeding all over the place"

"You shot him?"

"Yes yes yes. I shot him. Didn't mean to! My rifle slipped ... read more