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Woke up this morning, my BBC app gave me 5 separate push notifications that Trump has covid

I've never seen an app so excited before

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Android lets you use "Lumos" for the flashlight, "Silencio" for the notifications...

but not "Incendio". That is a Samsung exclusive.

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Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

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Why do doctors allow smart phones in the delivery room?

Push notifications.

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They have launched a new marijuana app up here in Canada, but it is very annoying.

It keeps sending you kush notifications.

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Toasters...

were the first form of pop-up notifications.

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What's the difference between good jokes and bad ones?

I never get notifications that good jokes are trending on reddit.

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I got furious and smashed my phone

I was getting too many notifications from a meditation app.

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