My wife was furious at my impulse purchase of a revolving chair. But then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

Ancient Romans believed the 54th birthday was the time to indulge in all your crazy impulses.

You only LIV once.

Just impulse bought a blind fold...

Cant see myself wearing it...

My friend was ashamed of impulse buying a $1000 mattress

I asked him to sleep on it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a person that steals something on impulse? A kleptomaniac. What do you call a person that has sex on impulse? A nymphomaniac. What do you a person that's both?

A fuckin thief.

A thief tells his wife, "You don’t have to worry about me being arrested anymore! The doctor gave me a medication that will completely cure my criminal impulses!"

However, the next night, he is arrested for stealing a couple of iPads and a pizza. His wife comes to bail him out of prison and says, "Did you forget to take your drugs?"

The thief says, "No, I did exactly what the doctor said! ‘Take two tablets with meals’!"

Three engineers are discussing God...

They argue over what kind of engineer God would be. The first engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how the body moves with all its muscles, bones, joints, ligaments and tendons. The amount of coordination it takes to stand upright, walk and run! He's a mechanical engineer."...

A Man Is Driving Down a Highway, When He Sees a Priest Hitchhiking

So, being a good catholic, he picks him up. They drive a bit further down the highway, when the man then spots a well-known lawyer hitchhiking as well. Remembering that this man represented his ex wife during their divorce, an impulse of anger causes him to aim his car right at the lawyer. He then r...

When I was a kid living with my parents, I remember when my dad gave me money to pay the utilities one day

On impulse, I decided to buy scratch-offs. When I got home I explained *'but we could get a new car when we win!'*, he ended up beating me.

The next day, we woke up to a new truck outside our house and everyone was crying. Myself in particular, because the new truck was from the Utilities c...

Why did the starship captain buy a sub-lightspeed propulsion system that he didn't need?

It was an impulse purchase.

For anyone who isn't aware, this is a star trek fathers day joke.

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Purina Diet

A friend of mine has a big Labrador Retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Walmart for him, a woman behind me in the checkout line asked if it was for a dog. (duh)
On impulse, I told her no. I explained that I was starting the Purina diet again, although I probably shouldn't be...

An Amazon executive walks into a Whole Foods

It's his first time there, and he wants to see what all the hype is about.

The executive goes shopping for his normal every day needs, and even picks out a couple extra things that stood out to him for an impulse buy.

The executive goes to the counter to check out, and the clerk rings ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The engineers were discussing God's profession

The mechanical engineer said, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at your joints and muscle connections."
The electrical engineer said, "I believe God must be an electrical engineer because your brain, nerves, electrical impulses and shit, just take a look at neurons. No doubt there."

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"

The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sur...

The other day I unexpectedly bought a cat.

It was an impulse purrchase.

Nervous systems are too reckless

They always do everything on impulse

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores in...

A starship engineer trades half their ship's cargo...

For a sub light engine. The captain finds out and is angry:
"Why did you trade valuable cargo for something 1/10th the value?"
The engineer replies: "Sorry captain, it was an impulse buy"

Three engineering students contemplate God.

The first student says "Obviously he is a mechanical engineer, look at all the joints." The second student responds, "No no no, he has to be an electrical engineer, just think about all of the nerve impulses..." The third student considers these and offers his opinion, "Actually he is a civil engine...

3 engineers are debating what kind of engineer God is

The first, a mechanical engineer, says, "He must be a mechanical engineer. Just think about a pitcher throwing a baseball 100mph, the forces are unreal. God has to be a mechanical engineer."

The second, an electrical engineer, says "No way, he has to be an electrical engineer. Just look at th...