Empathy Jokes - 18 Hilarious Empathy Jokes

What's the difference between apathy & empathy?

Don't know. Don't care.

A doctor lacking empathy

"A woman has a serious accident and ends up in the hospital undergoing surgery.

Her husband waits in the waiting room, distraught, when several hours later the surgeon exits the operating room and approaches him.

'Hello, the surgery went well. Unfortunately, the recovery will be very...

I don’t have a lot of empathy or sympathy for anyone else.

Not sure how I feel about that.

What do you call a cow with no empathy?

My Ex-wife

My mom said that i'm starting to lack empathy.

I can't understand how she could feel like that.

My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

I have zero empathy for sociopaths.

But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife's empathy...

I come home stressed after a long day at work. My wife says, "Honey, I don't like it when you're not feeling good. When you're stressed it stresses me out, when you're anxious I'm anxious, when you're sad it makes me sad. Whatever you're feelings are I feel them too."

So I said, "Then how com...

What’s the German word for empathy?

Schadenfreude

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall

They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews...

Trump walks into a bar and Is suprised to see the bartender is a genie

The genie says "what'll you have?" Trump says"give me something I'll regret in the morning" The genie gives him a conscience, empathy, and humility.

What does the E in Logan Paul stand for?

Empathy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nikita Khrushchev sees his driver eating grass.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Sir, with the wages you've given me i can only feed my kids."

Khrushchev triples his wage.

Stalin's driver overheard this and decides to bite away at his lawn with a passion to elicit Stalin's empathy.

"What the hell are you doing?"
...

What's your favorite word?

5-Year-Old: Empathy! I don't even know what it means!
Me- I know how you feel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magic

After a long show, Marvelous Mike, an old magician enters a McDonald's. Not without Schadenfreude, he realizes that the cashier is his old competitor Harry Houdini.

Feigning empathy, he asks "Oh Harry. I cannot believe that such a gifted artist would end up like this. Anyway, may I have BigM...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapist is throwing a costume party for all of her patients.

She tells them to show up as an emotion. The first person knocks on the door. The Dr. opens the door and sees a man dressed in green clothes from head to toe. "You must be green with 'ENVY', come on in." 5 minutes later another knock. As she opens the door there is a woman dressed entirely in yellow...

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

The bottom suddenly falls out of a plane.

All passengers hold themselves up in the conveniently placed assist grips.

The usual jingle is heard through the speakers, as the co-pilot speaks slowly and clearly: "Just now, all of our fuel has been used."

The frightened passengers look at each other.

The pilot speaks again...

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