Mother Theresa goes to Heaven

Mother Theresa walks through the pearly gates and sees princes Diana. She asks the angel Gabriel..."Hey...I spent my whole life working to help others...why does Diana have a halo and I dont?" Gabriel answers..."That's not a halo...that's a steering wheel"

Too soon?

Mother Theresa's assistant is incredible

Truly second to nun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Mother Theresa's vagina?

A nunt.

When I was a kid, I wanted to bang Mother Theresa

My friends were like "Ew! She's like a million years old...you're a seriously sick kid!"

And I was just like "Good! She doesn't seem to go for the healthy ones, anyway.".

Mother Theresa did a lot of different things all over the world but consequently.....

She was a master of nun.

Mother Theresa looks down into hell from heaven...

She sees them getting ready for dinner. It's a feast, beef Wellington, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, wine, champagne, and a million different desserts.

Just then God came by and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm making tuna fish sandwiches if you'd like one."

MT: "Um, ok, sure."

The ...

Have you heard of the group that worships Mother Theresa?

It's a nun prophet organization.






I thought of this while thinking of tax exemptions for religious groups, hopefully no one has posted it here already :)

When Mother Theresa died and got to the Pearly Gates, she was stopped by St Peter.

He told her, "Before I let you in, I need to ask you a few questions."

As he was saying this, Mother Theresa looks over his shoulder and sees Princess Di.

She exclaims to Peter, "Why am I out here answering questions after everything I've done in my life and Princess Di is already in...

A man dies and goes to Heaven...

When he meets Peter, he sees billions of clocks behind him.

"What's the deal with those clocks?" the man asks.

"Each of these clocks is bound to a person on Earth, either dead or alive," Peter replies. "Every time they lie, the pointers shift."

Peter then gives some examples: "T...

Who knew naming a for-profit investment app after an anti-rich hero was just marketing.

I’m astounded, and am immediately switching to one called Mother Theresa.

Three nuns die and go to heaven

When they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter says to them that heaven is too full at the moment and needs expanding. While they wait to get in, for all their good work St. Peter let’s them spend one day on earth as a person of their own choice.

The first nun picks mother Theresa because of th...

A man dies and goes to heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven.

While entering the golden gates, he sees Saint Peter, surrounded by ticking clocks.

The man asks ¨what are those clocks for?¨

Saint Peter replies ¨These are lie clocks, and every time a person tells a lie, they tick. For example Mother Theresa gav...

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus

The man sees a wall of clock and asks Jesus, “What are all those clocks for?”

Jesus replied, “These clocks are for representing how much lies a person has told.”

The man points at a broken clock, Jesus said, “That is Mother Theresa’s clock, it has not moved therefore she has never lied...

One day a man died, and went to heaven.

I’m heaven, the man saw Father Time, surrounded by billions of clocks.

“What are all these clocks for?” asked the man.

Father Time replied, “every time someone tells a lie, their clock goes forward a minute”.

He pulled out a clock that was at exactly 12:00.

“This clock...

A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "what are those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh." Said the man....

Nuns waiting to go to heaven

There was a car crash, The accident included 2 nuns and mother Theresa.

When the nuns reach the golden gates, they were greeted but St Paul.

St Paul said "To enter heaven, I giving you 3 questions, if you get them right you can enter"

St Paul asked a question to the first nun ...

Clocks in Heaven

A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. "Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell ...

A man dies ...

A man dies. When he arrives at the gates of Heaven, Saint Peter is welcoming him. The saint started to walk him throug heavens, where he could eat, sleep, and all the other pleasures heaven has to offer. At one point, they reached a room full of clocks. Most of them were moving, but all on a differe...

Bill Clinton Dies and Goes to Heaven...

Bill Clinton dies and is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets Bill with some warmth and a smile. Bill is a bit confused, but goes along with the warm welcome. Further adding to Bill's confusion is what seems to be an infinite wall of old clocks.

Bill asks, "Peter, wha...

A man died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate, the man saw an enormous wall covered

A man died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate, the man saw an enormous wall covered
with clocks. He asked St. Peter, what's with the clocks? St. Peter explained that everyone was assigned a clock, and each time they told a lie, the clock would move ahead one minute.
The man saw a clock at...

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