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Piers Morgan says women send him their knickers in the post.

Presumably with the message ‘From one twat to another.

What noise does Captain Morgan's chainsaw make?

RUMMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUMRUM

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I like the Germans, but instead of Hitler, now they are all obsessed with this new guy named Morgan

Instead of saying “Heil Hitler”, they now come up to me and say “Good Morgan”.

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Morgan Freeman has been accused of sexual abuse.

He can’t play God anymore. Just a priest.

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Captain Morgan now facing sexual assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

How does the siren like her Captain Morgan?

On the rocks...

I want Morgan Freeman to narrate a highlight reel of my life...

But I heard that silent movies don't do too well in today's market.

What was Morgan Freeman called before the civil war?

Morgan.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?

A little coke brings Captain Morgan to life.

Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house....

and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. "They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and see...

How do coeliac intolerance people in Germany say hello to each other?

Gluten-Morgan

There are only three types of people in this world.

Man, Woman and Morgan Freeman

Two couples decide to swap partners for the evening.

Couple 1: “Oh my goodness Morgan I’m so glad we swapped tonight. I needed this freak night”. “Me too Dale. Let’s go see how the girls did!”

How does a German greet a baker in the morning?

Gluten Morgan.

Ever heard of the Freeman effect?

The Freeman effect is evidence that a person may have experienced events from a different reality, wherein they recall memories of things or events that didn't exist or didn't happen. The name comes from the fact that when a significant percentage of people hear "Nelson Mandela", they actually think...

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Three guys were talking to each other in a bar

Three guys were talking to each other in a bar "Hey guys I think I might have the smallest arms" says one. "I think I have the smallest head" says another. "I got you both beat I think I have the smallest penis" said the third. "Lets see if we can get in the Guinness book of world records" says the ...

I can't even picture my favorite actor going to jail now.

But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.

"My first appointment with a new dentist!!"

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one....

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
<...

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you ...

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Someone asked me today if I'd ever had a cockring.

I said that yes, Piers Morgan had phoned me once.

An Irish boys confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose Woman."

The Priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "

"And, who was the woman you were with," asked the Priest. "

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputatio...

Brad Pitt visits his doctor. "Hey Doc, you ever see me in that movie Seven with Morgurt Freeman?"

"Uh do you mean Morgan?"

"Oh yeah, sorry Doc. Morgurt Morgan".

An old Saint's joke

A Cajun died and went to hell.
The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later, surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as swea...

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A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars a...

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