UPJOKE
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anyone who's constipated is my role model.

Because they dont give a shit for anything.

Putin goes undercover as a drill sergeant. Talking to a new recruit, he asks

- Where are you from, private?
- Sir, St. Petersburg
- Oh, I'm from there too. Who's your father?
- Sir, my father is President Vladimir Putin.
- That is impossible, how can that be?
- Sir, people always say that President Putin is father of our country.

Surprised but pleased, ...

Ghandi is my role model

Everyone knows about Gandhi. Pacifist, role model of MLK, and arguably the most important man in the movement of Indian independence. Of course, aside from his upstanding character, he did have a multitude of physical flaws. As an Indian peasant, he rarely wore shoes because he was too poor to affor...

Why do tall people have no role models?

Because they have no one to look up to.

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My mom caught me watching hentai.

My mom caught me watching hentai.

Mom: Watch something good, not this degenerate shit!

Me: Like what?

Mom: Like something your role model watches. Who is your role model?

Me: Samuel L Jackson.

Mom: Motherfucker!...

What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down three miles from a blood bank?

A cab

Cred: Spongebob, my role model

Boss calls in his top 4 employees.

Boss:
Been doing some evaluations. And I am very upset at the results. James, you appear to be buying Cocaine from some K-Fish. Peterson, you appear to be taking marijuana from this same K-Fish. Iā€™m mostly disappointed at you, Jessie, for purchasing pills from this K-Fish person as well.
...

Why do parents love BB-8 so much?

He is a great role model.

Worlds Smartest Man, Worlds Strongest Man, a Preacher and a Boyscout

...are all on a plane and it's about to crash.
Problem is there is only 3 parachutes.

So...
The worlds smartest man grabs a parachute and says, "I'm the worlds smartest man, I can solve many problems and find solutions for the future of humanity". He jumps out the plane.

The w...

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

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This guy Arty....

So there was this guy Arty. Arty always wanted to be in the mafia. This was his dream since he was young. Henry Hill was his role model. Arty had watched every mafia movie known to man, he was just waiting for the day to meet them and get in.

One day Arty sees 4 mafia members sitting around ...

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Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

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