I paid a guy to steal all of Rudy Giuliani's Milky Ways...

I got him disbarred.

"Can you fit any more Milky Way Chocolate Bars into your desk drawer there, Jim?"

"Nope, all outer space."

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ก๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ'๐˜€ ๐—™๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜... ๐—–๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—™๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜.

The year was 2020.

By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.

Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.

The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.

He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...

When space travel is affordable I will leave the Milky Way galaxy and move to the Soy Milky Way.

You could say that I'm galactose intolerant.

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years.

Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.

The Milky Way experienced a cosmic fender-bender with a dwarf galaxy 500 million years ago.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

I'm a 1%er and the rest of you are beneath me

I mean whole and 2% are too creamy and skim is basically disgusting milky water.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Went camping last weekend and woke up at three in the morning to the most amazing site of the milky way galaxy.

Where the fuck is my tent?
Sight,fuck

Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!

i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.

What do a bag of Lay's potato chips and the Milky Way have in common?

They're both mostly empty space.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Birth of a Candy Bar! rated XXX and NSFW

One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT o' HONEY, so he took MARY JANE back behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. That was pure ALMOND JOY!! It made his TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out some SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICY FRUIT and caused a MILK...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The man and the horse couldnโ€™t agree on what to name the new planet

Despite hours of brainstorms and workshops, the man and the horse couldnโ€™t agree on what to name the new planet.

โ€œNew Terra is the sensible choiceโ€, said the man, exasperated.

โ€œDonโ€™t give me that more-evolved-than-thou horse-shitโ€, said the horse, โ€œwhy donโ€™t you let a non-dominant life...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Old Russian joke: One day the bear escaped from the zoo

One day the bear escaped from the zoo and climbed a tree in a residential area. Same day lonely old lady came out in the morning for milk, saw the bear and called the zoo. Half an hour later a rusty old van drove to her house. Hefty bearded man with a shotgun got out of the van followed by little wh...

Thereโ€™s a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.

Itโ€™s really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.

Why are nipple pasties often in the shape of stars?

To make the milky way.

what do you call it when you use milk to make protein drinks?

Milky-Whey.

Alone Guys and Girls

The known universe is made up of 50,000,000,000 galaxies. There are between 100,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000,000 stars in a normal galaxy. In the Milky Way alone there might be as many 100 billion Earth-like planets. Still think youโ€™re alone?

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Took a friend and his dog to the vet today.

There was a woman inside with a dog named Snickers.


I told her after she gets him fixed she can call him Milky Way.

No nuts.

She laughed her ass off as did the vet.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were waiting for an elevator.

On the floor, next to the elevator door, was a tiny puddle of milky liquid.

The brunette notices it first and says, "Oh my God, that looks like semen."

The redhead bends down and sniffs, "Oh my god, this smells like semen."

The blonde gets down on one knee, dips her finger in it...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Rabbi goes to church to visit a friend who is a priest...(long)

He is waiting around for the priest, just hanging out by the pews, when a young woman comes into the church, and goes into the confessional.

The Rabbi thinks to himself that he dose not want to wait around longer for the the priest, and taking confessions can't be that difficult, so he slip...

What do you call a galaxy full of Brazilians?

The Milky Hue.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Holmes and Watson go out camping.

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr. Watson decide to make a trip to the countryside and go camping.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up Watson and asks him:

"John, look up at the sky. What do you see?"

Watson, still sleepy, slowly arranges his thoughts:
"The... ...

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