Why is it always cloudy in Liverpool

Because they banned The Sun

A viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out of the window during a cloudy night...

He said to his wife, "It is going to rain, my love."

His wife asked how he knew this.

He responded with:
"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

Google Weather reported today is a cloudy day. But it is a clear sunny day.

Something must have happened to Google clouds.

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The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

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Confessing your sins [NSFW i guess]

A guy who had done wrongs in his life went to church to confess
He goes to the confessional and the priest asks him

P - What sins have you done, son?

S - I sinned, father, I went to send something to my sister in law and before going out it started raining, so i stayed in her house...

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

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Last night my girlfriend called to tell me her pee was cloudy and it had her worrying about her health.

So like a good boyfriend I took to Google to try and put her mind at ease. After reading a few articles I summed up what I found for her.

“Alright babe, you either have a UTI, you are dehydrated or you have the clap.”

“Ohh no, how could this happen?”

“Well two of them I totally ...

I had plans to go to the beach today, but the skies are cloudy and it is raining

It's really irrigating.

It just occurred to me Trump's inauguration was cloudy.

I guess the sun was another big star that refused to show.

A professional glass blower

A professional glass blower was training up a new team. They kept giving him the poorest quality silicates which resulted in some very cloudy pieces. So he got them all together and said, "I just need to make something perfectly clear".

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them.

To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isnt entirely correct, because sometimes its gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "...

My mind is a little cloudy...

...time for some cirrus thought.

A man and his wife are arguing, the man says it's going to rain, the woman says it isn't.

"Let's ask Rudolph, the communist police officer"says the man

"It might, the sky is pretty cloudy" says the policeman

The man turns to his wife and says:
"See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

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Mormon missionary visitation

Sunday morning the weather was too cloudy to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when I heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said,

"I'm a Mormon missionairy, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I sa...

Sherlock and Watson go camping

Sherlock wakes up at 3 AM, wakes up Watson and asks him:

"Watson, look at the sky. What does it tell you?"

"The weather is clear, a bit cloudy." he replies.

"What else?"

"The stars we see right there form the Orion constellation."

"Elementary my dear Watson..." say...

Tomorrow's weather forecast for Canada is in, just in time for cannabis legalization

It's going to be cloudy with a chance of Doritos.

I noticed a nuclear fusion reactor the other day in my backyard.

While in my backyard the other day, I noticed a large gravitationally confined plasma thermo-nuclear fusion reactor. Being an engineer, I saw that it was radiating huge amounts of energy at very high velocity in the form of incredibly high frequency transversely polarized Maxwellian electromagnetic ...

4 Weather Patterns Are In A Race

Sunny gets gold.

Cloudy gets silver.

Snowy gets bronze.

And Rainy gets a precipitation award.

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A teacher asked her students to use definitely in a sentence.

Mrs. Durst asked her students to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny's hand shot straight up.

Mrs. Durst decided to ignore Johnny because he was always saying nottty things.

She called on Lindsay and she said "the sky is definitely blue"
And the teacher replied "well the s...

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The Most Important Body Part

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

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You have Sinned

EDIT: I have never written this joke out. Most of this joke is about the delivery. This is a successful joke when you are forced into telling one. Use the names of those goading you into telling one!




Johnny, Mike, and Pete were driving late at night when a cat cut in front of the ...

A priest and a lawyer

A priest and a lawyer had both died, after what seemed like eternity they finally stood before the pearly gates of heaven.

Suddenly the gates open and a bright angel of God apears before them.

"Welcome to the kingdom of Heaven, please get in my carriage and I will show you to your new ...

Always trust the soviet weather man.

A couple were visiting an art gallery in soviet St. Petersburg when they looked out of the window and saw the weather starting to look quite cloudy. The wife turned to her husband and said "We should get back to the hotel,I think its going to snow!" Before her husband could reply their tour guide le...

A man is strolling past the mental hospital

and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the tim...

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Class we're going to use the word definitely

A teacher is teaching her class about the word definitely and asks if anyone can use definitely in a sentence. Mary, let's hear a sentence. "Grass is definitely green." Well, Mary, sometimes the grass is dead and it is brown. So, grass is not definitely green. Billy, how about you? "The sky is defin...

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A teacher walks into a classroom...

She gets up to the chalkboard and tells the kids to shut up and they will be learning a new word today. "The word is definitely, now may I hear it used correctly in a sentence?"
A little boy raises his hand. "Yes bobby?"
"The sky is definitely blue!" The boy says.
"No, that is wrong, the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fat guy who saved my life.

I was rushing down the road, on a cloudy and rainy day, thunder and lightning bursting in the distance.

I turned the corner, past a cemetery, when suddenly i heard a yell, and my body was tackled to the ground.

I hit the floor with a thud, my eyes focusing on this extremely portly guy ...

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Slow Down Love

5 minutes before landing in Melbourne the pilot says to the passengers
' Good morning everyone, we hope you enjoyed your flight with Qantas. It is currently 14 degrees and cloudy. Have a great day' After the speech the pilot puts the mic down forgetting to mute it. So the other pilot goes on to ...

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.

The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and te...

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Captain's log

31.08.1883
We sailed to the West,we hope to find a new continent.Crew is in good mood, food is excellent, 5 girls from the harbor are with us and they are very happy.

31.10.1883
Compass died, we are navigating using the stars and the suns (when it's not cloudy,fu*king clouds)
Crew is...

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle

There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".

The pilot imm...

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