“Honey Dew you want to get married today?”

“No. I cantaloupe.”

What do you call Mountain Dew that gives you a heart attack?

Mountain Dew Code Blue

A guy walks into a convenience store and asks "Can I have a can 'o dew?"

Store clerk tells him, "No can dew"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher says it's impossible to make a sentence using only nouns...

Boy, eye gist dew naught sea whey awl teachers seam two inn cyst tits knot rite. We half sum examples. Dew ewe? Lettuce snow.

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Emperor Palpatine decides to endorse Mountain Dew and appears on an advertisement

“DEW IT”

Ja man, down in da islands, what de call de dew in de morning?

Daylight cum
(Hope I did OK transliterating the Jamaican accent.)

What time will the frost form?

In dew time.

What did the rising sun say to the morning dew?

You will be mist.

One blade of grass turns to another blade of grass and says...

"It's really hot today, I've drank most of my water already as have you. What happens tomorrow if we run out?"



The other blade of grass responds: "Well, we'll just have to make dew."

A guy wants to take his girlfriend on a romantic dinner date...

She recommends an unusual restaurant that just opened: you have to wait in line for every food item you want.
Like a gentlemen, the man waits in the myriad of food lines before him. He waits in the potato line, he waits in the chicken line, and even waits in a gravy line. He comes back after a w...

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The apple of your dreams.

One day Eddie walked into the patent office. He boldly stated to the patent officer, Bob, that he’d like to patent the apple. Bob, a studious man who looked like he spent a lifetime burying his face in books, dryly pointed out “You can’t patent the apple, Johnny Appleseed already did that.”
“We...

I have a soft drink fetish

when my girlfriend asked what i wanted to do tonight, i replied, “mount and dew me”

Why do couples cry at the altar?

Eye Dew.

So I heard you like puns with convoluted setups...

well, much like a child insisting her mother use needles and yarn to repair her favorite plush animal named after it's bright, glinting visual organs reminding one of morning precipitation: Sew dew eye.

Describe your college life using the name of a beverage?

Mountain Dew.

If guys get morning wood.......

Do girls get morning dew?

Three wives were talking to each other about their husbands and comparing them to drinks.

The first said, "My husband is like 7-Up. Because he's got 7 inches, and it's always up."

The second said, "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew. Because when he gets home from work, he likes to 'mount and do' me."

The third says, "My husband is like Jack Daniels."

The first r...

Two female co-workers are chatting it up

...and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.

One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.

The second one i called mountain dew, because when it c...

Do you make grass slippery? Do you make windows wet? Are you a morning person?

If so, you may be dew condensation.

I got a job as a fog bank, I'ts hard work with little pay...

but I make dew.

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

My son asked me if I wanted him to lightly water my lawn.

I said, “just dew it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day at a sex shop.

A brunette comes in and asks “How much for your black dildos?”

The guy says “30 bucks”

“And how much for your white dildos?” asks the lady.

Again the man says “30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white”

So she takes the black one and leaves.

A while later a...

I asked a group of women to describe their husbands using a soft drink [possibly NSFW]

The first said, "Mtn Dew, because he's always ready to mount 'n' do me"

The second said, "7up, because it may only be seven inches but it's always up"

The third said, "Jack Daniels"
I said, "But that's a hard liquor"
She relied, "Yes, and so is he"

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, “I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don’t want to wait. Let’s run away to Vegas together.”

The girl replies, “No, baby. I cantaloupe.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman was telling a Scott about his trouble sleeping.

The Scott asks if he’s tried counting sheep. The Irishman says that stuff doesn’t work, it’s for wee babes in mums aarms. The Scott says, “Ney laddie, werks ever time. But ‘ye got ta meek it reel lifey like in yer heed. See ever lil’ detail, ever lil’ soond dontcha do any meer wandrin bye.”
...

I tried marrying a melon...

But apparently we cantaloupe

Me: Do you want something to drink?

Me: We've got this new soda called 'Princess Di.' It's a tribute to Princess Diana

Friend: Got anything else?

Me: Just Mountain Dew.

Friend: So those are my only two options?

Me: It's Dew or Di.

The redditor of all the land sits on his throne

A line of people are waiting to tell him their problems.

The first one walks in.
“I was milking my cow and I realized how annoying and useless it seemed”
The king said “Go follow into the room on the right, and sit on the couch.”

A second person walks in.
“I was doing schoolwo...

Nature is so resourceful

It can make dew with just water

Three women are at a restaurant getting lunch.

They all date men named Jeff, by coincidence, and they always get confused when they talk about their boyfriends.

One of the women says to the others, "Why don't we give our boyfriends nicknames so we can tell them apart?"

The second woman, takes a drink of her soda and says, "Why don'...

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I had to thank my friend for finding my bank card resting in some wet grass.

Credit where it's dew.

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes

Their husbands names are Jake, Jacob and Jakey. They would always get confused. So one day they decided to nickname them. Mabel said "lets name them after soda pop", the other two said "what do you mean?". Mabel said she would go first and said " I'll call my Jacob 7-Up because he has 7 inches and i...

My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...

I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy...

One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."

The other two ladies agree.

The first lady speaks out, "Okay...

Shopping for Melons

My wife sent me to the supermarket with a grocery list, but when I unfolded and read it, all it said was "melons".
I guess it was the honey dew list.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took the family to an amusement park and they all got thirsty at once.

Fortunately we were close to a big soda shop, a circular building with lines of varying lengths standing at most of the windows.

"Excuse me," I asked a park employee, "Which window do we go to?"

"Each window is for a different drink, so just go straight to the one for what you want. If...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is in the confessional hearing confession...

...when he realizes he really has to go to the bathroom. So, in between sessions, he sneaks out of the confessional. He finds an altar boy and says, "Johnny, I need you to take over for me. It's really easy. Just listen to their confession, and then tell them to do some Hail Marys and Our Fathers."<...

Why did the letter arrive wet?

Because it had postage dew.

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