I still think it was a missed opportunity that Minnie Driver wasn’t in the remake of The Italian Job.

Joke from Gary Delaney's standup

How did Minnie save Mickey from drowning?

Mouse to mouse resuscitation.

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Micky and Minnie Mouse were having relationship problems

It got so bad, Micky decided to call his lawyer. After explaining his situation, Micky's lawyer said, "Micky, you can't divorce Minnie just because she's silly". Micky responded, "I didn't say she was silly. I said she was fucking Goofy!".

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Mickey: Minnie I’m gay

Minnie: are you fucking crazy?
Mickey: no I’m fucking goofy

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Mickie and Minnie

Mickie Mouse returns home one day after a long day of work at Disney. He opens his front door to hear a great commotion coming from the bedroom. He quickly runs up the stairs and throws open the bedroom door to find Minnie in bed with his best friend Goofy.

Outraged he gets into a fight w...

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"Mickey, it says here that you killed Minnie because she was 'really silly'?"

"No", replies Mickey, "I said she was fucking Goofy."

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse in the divorce courts

And the judge says to Mickey
"I'm sorry Mickey I just cannot grant you a divorce as just because you think Minnie is ugly"

And Mickey says
" I didn't say she was ugly I said she was fucking Goofy"

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Mickey Mouse in divorce court

Judge: "So let me get this straight, Mr. Mouse. You said you want to divorce Ms. Minnie Mouse because she is really crazy?"

Mickey: "No, I said she was fucking goofy!"

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Mickey and Minnie go to a therapist...

Therapist: “Mickey, I understand you’re not happy. But is divorce really worth it? Just because you think Minnie is weird?

Mickey: “Weird?! I said she was fucking Goofy!”

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Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mickey (exasperated): Your honour! I didn't say she was crazy...

...I said she was fucking Goofy!

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse divorce

In the courtroom the judge says to Mickey, “Mr Mouse, I don’t see any evidence to support your charge that Mrs Mouse has become insane”. Mickey gets a confused look on his face and says, “Judge, I never complained that she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy”.

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Mickey meets with his lawyer to discuss getting a divorce from Minnie

The lawyer looks over Mickey's requested divorce terms for the house no alimony.

"Mickey I just don't think you have a case you can't divorce Minnie just because she's a little odd"


Mickey turns to his lawyer and says "I didn't say she was odd I said she was fucking Goofy"*

...

What is Minnie Mouse's father's name?

Massive Mouse

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Mickey Mouse sits down with a divorce attorney for the initial case review.

The divorce attorney flips through the file and says, "Okay, so you want to file for divorce from Minnie because she has a... mental disorder?"

Mickey says, "I didn't say she has a mental disorder, I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse

Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.

"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge.

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"

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Micky and Minnie Mouse are consulting their lawyer about planning a divorce.

Halfway through reading Mickie's statement, the lawyer finds something odd.

"So it says here," he inquires, eyebrow notched," that you want to divorce your wife because she's, ahem, 'extremely silly'?


"No," Mickie shouted, hardly able to control his anger. " I want the divorce beca...

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Minnie is fucking Goofy

Now stop posting the same joke you mooks.

Why did Minnie hang up the phone on Mickey?

She was feeling Goofy at the time

Mickey and Minnie walked into a bar

Donald ducked

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Mickey and Minnie go to a divorce lawyer

Mickey and Minnie go to a divorce lawyer. The lawyer says "Mickey, it says here that would want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy? Mental illness is a sickness. Didnt you vow to love her in sickness and in health?" Mickey replied "You misunderstood. I never said she was crazy, I said she was fuc...

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Little Minnie was digging a pit in her house's backward ...

... Curious, her neighboring lady asked her what she was doing.

"My parrot died yesterday. I'm preparing to bury him."

"Ohhh, that's so sad. But why such a big grave for a little parrot?"

"Coz he's in your cat's stomach."

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Disney jokes

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

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Mickey and Donald were sitting in a bar(credit to u/KamehameHanSolo)

So Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are sitting at a bar and Mickey sighs and says to Donald, "So Minnie finally decided to leave me."

"Good riddance, you're better off without her," Donald says, "Just last week you were telling me how crazy she is."

Mickey looks at him and says, "Donald, ...

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse go to couple's therapy...

Their marriage has been seeing troubles lately so they decided to give it a try. The therapist decides to hear each of their sides of the story separately.

The therapist takes Mickey into a separate room and Mickey tells him his side of things. Then Minnie gets her chance to tell the story. ...

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Mickey Mouse went to his lawyer

He walked in the door, sat down, and sighed.

“I want to divorce Minnie, haha” he said.

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that Mr. Mouse,” the lawyer said. “You’ve been a famous couple for decades — it’s really a shame to see you break up.”

“Yes, it’s bad,” Mickey said, “but this is t...

One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.

The graffiti wrote "Mickey Sucks".

The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.

The bad news is, the urine is from Goofy.

The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.

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Mickey Mouse and His Lawyer

Mickey Mouse calls his lawyer, he doesn’t answer and leaves a message.

A few hours later the lawyer listens to the message and calls back Mickey

“Hey Mick listen I understand you want to divorce Minnie but in the state of California insanity is not grounds for a divorce.”

Mick...

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Mickey Mouse wakes up on a snowy day and looks out his window.

He looks down and sees, "Mickey sucks" written in the snow in piss. He looks up and sees two people running away. So he calls the cops.

After an investigation, a detective says to Mickey, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found out it was Goofy's urine. The bad new...

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyNewYork” When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

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Mickey Mouse steps into lawyers office to review divorce with lawyer

Mickey: I need to get out of this marriage! Minnie ruined my life. I've paid you good money for you to get me back what's rightly mine. What do you have for me?

Lawyer: Mickey I've reviewed your case against Minnie and to be blunt you don't have a good case against her. The main reason for th...

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Tanjooberrymutts

By the time you read through this you wil understand 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel ...

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: "...

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Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

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Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says “ Someone urinated in...

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says :

“ Someone urinated in the snow in front of your house and it reads ‘Fuck Mickey’. We ran test and we have some bad news, it’s Goofy’s urine.

..

..

..

Even worse it’s Minnie’s handwriting"



PS:- Found this gem am...

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