If the Rolling Stones sing "hey, you, get offa my cloud!", what do the Scots sing?

"Hey, MacLeod, get offa my ewe."

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said "Paddy, me ol' mate, how are we going to tell who owns which fookin' pig?"

Paddy says "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my fookin' pig, and ten we can tell them apart.” “Ah, dat id be grand" says Paddy.

This worked fine until a ...

How can you tell the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey, You! Get off my cloud!" A Scotsman says, "Hey, McLeod! Get offa my ewe!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mick Jagger had a little pet sheep

Mick was very fond of her, and played with her all the time in his garden. One day, to his horror, he came outside and found his Scottish gardener vigorously fucking her. Furious, Mick yelled, "Hey, McCloud! Get Offa my ewe!"

OG Rolling Stones Joke

I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."


And then somebo...

What did the 8th century Anglo-Saxon king say when his brother tackled him?

Get Offa me

Italian, Ukrainian and Newfie on a Lunch Break..

An Italian, a Ukrainian and a Newfie high-rise construction worker were all up on a huge building about to have lunch. They all took a seat and opened up their lunch boxes;

"Mama mia!" Said the Italian "Mya wife! She always give-a me meat-a-balls! If I get meat-a-balls in my lunch tomorrow, I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Must be told in a horrible, thick Italian accent

So I heard this joke a couple of years ago, I think it's much older than that though. Read it out loud in a very bad, thick Italian accent.

So, Vincenzo, my cousin in America invites me to stay with him, so I say, 'Okay, I'va never been to America, I'ma come over.

I get offa da plane ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny.....

.....was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.

"Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off." said the teacher.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.