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Licker Jokes

My ten year old was arrested for buying a lollipop

He was charged with under-age purchase from a licker store

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde orders a beer

A blonde orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them.

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bride goes to her husband on their wedding night...

And says, “I need to tell you something before we go to bed. I’m a virgin.”

Her husband was shocked, he’s her fourth marriage! He says, “HOW is it that you’ve been married three times before but you’re still a virgin?”

The bride replies, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist, and ...

A guy and his dog walk into a bar

"Nice dog. What's his name?" the bartender asks. "Whiskey," the guy says. "He's a licker."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to an AA meeting, introduces herself, "I've been through three relationships now and I just can't handle it anymore. My pussy is killing me." Someone interrupts and says, "I'm sorry, what does this have to do with your problem with alcohol?"

"What problem with alcohol? I just can't seem to give up the hard lickers!"

My Korean girlfriend makes some cute mistakes when speaking English. For example:

"Fishing stick" instead of "Fishing rod"

"Tropical tree" instead of "Palm tree"

"Ant-licker" instead of "Uncle"

Where do you keep lollipops?

The licker cabinet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dislike my cat.

She's such a butt licker.

I think my dog has a drinking problem

He can't control his licker

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband i...

I'm afraid my dog is an alcoholic.

She just can't seem to hold her licker.

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels

Because she says I'm a hard licker!

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll na...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friendly joke from us in Australia

We were walking past the local community centre in our town when we saw a window licker, or 'mong' if you will.

Fucking funniest thing we ever saw.

"Fucktard", shouted one of my mates. We all laughed.

"Bed soiler", shouted Jack, the joker of the pack. We laughed even harder.
...

Three southern woman sitting in the hair salon talking about the pet names for their men.

First woman says "I call my man Southern Comfort, cos he's a big man and he keeps me warm all night in bed"

Second woman's says "I call my man Budweiser cos his name is Buddy and he's the wisest man I ever met"

Third women says "I call my man Drambuie, cos he is one hell of a fancy lic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Booby Licking Bartender

A man sat down at a bar just a few seats away from a beautiful blond showing a lot of cleavage and ordered a beer.

The bartender filled a mug and slid it down the bar, but it hit the lady's chest and splashed beer on her breasts. The bartender retrieved the mug, gave it to the man, and then l...

three men were on a road trip when their car broke down

they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could crash. the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that t...

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