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Polly Jokes

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Polly wants a working girl

So a woman walks into my church and she's like, 'Father, I got a problem. I got two parrots, but they're both female and all they know how to say is one thing.'

And I'm like, 'What do they say?'

And she gets all red in the face and she's like, 'They say "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you...

My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.

Polly gone.

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Two jokes. One post.

So, three guys are walking down the street, when they notice a large mud deposit, and a large pile of bricks. For whatever reason, they want to see who can throw a brick the highest, to see this, they decide to each throw a brick up and see how far it sinks into the mud. The first guy throws, sinks ...

A farmer is suing a trucking company a week after getting into a very bad accident.

"Sir," the trucking company's lawyer says to the farmer, "my client says that, after the accident, you said you were fine. Is that true?"

"Well, you see," replies the farmer, "I was driving to the fair, and my favourite dog, Spot, was in the front seat with me, and--"

"I didn't ask for...

So a woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital

So a woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner...

Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.

But Polly wanted a cracker.

What do you call a parrot that speaks more than one language?

Polly-lingual

What Do You Call a Ocean Raider Tired of His Pet Bird's Muscle Spasms?

What do you call a ocean raider tired of his pet bird's muscle spasms?

A pirate tired of polly tics.

I just got banned from the National Zoo for making a parrot giggle...

... its polly tickle correctness gone mad!

What do you call a fat parrot with an umbrella?

A Polly-unsaturated fat.

What do pirate parrots say?

Polly wanna kraken!

(Amongst a large array other parrot-related sounds)

What did the redneck parrot say?

Cracker wants a Polly.

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A man buys a very talkative parrot....

At the pet store the parrot was sweet. He said "I love you!" and "pretty bird." So he bought the delightful little Polly.

As soon as he got Polly home, everything changed. "HEY COCKSUCKER!" the parrot squawked. "FUCK YOU FUCKER!"

But it didn't end with a few insults. The bird ra...

Did you know that the singer Olly Murs has a sister who is a scientist?

Her name is Polly Murs.


I'll show myself out........

One night, a burglar breaks into the home of a devoted Christian family.

He is merrily rummaging around, looking for stuff to steal, when out of nowhere, he hears a voice:

"Jesus is watching you."

He is startled for a moment but eventually shrugs it off. Just as he is about to put a golden necklace in his backpack, he hears the voice again:

"Jesus is...

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Why did the black man have to sell his parrot?

because polly wanted a cracker

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...

The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I’d like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up ...

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS!

...Polly want a cracker.

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Talking Parrot

A guy walks into a pet store and sees a "talking parrot for sale".

He asks the store owner "what does it say"?

The store owner replies "pull it's leg and it talks...give it a shot"

So the man pulls the parrots left leg and the parrot squawks "polly want a cracker".

"Wow",...

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A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar and sits. He is dressed as a stereotypical pirate, with a hook hand, peg leg, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder. As the bartender prepares his drink, he asks, "What happened to your hand?" The pirate replies, "I was sparring with me crew and one cut off me hand." Barte...

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Bigot Parrot

So a black guy walks into a pet shop looking for a new pet. His eye is drawn to the shop keeper sitting with a parrot on his shoulder having a full conversation. He walks up to the shop owner and tells him how amazing that parrot is and was wondering if it was at all for sale or if it was the owne...

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