Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...

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I bet Ted Cruz has two twitter accounts now. one for porn, and one to talk about the laws he's passing...

Either way a woman's getting fucked

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate?

To lay off his campaign staff.

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Ted Cruz left the Navy 9/11 memorial service early...

He only had time to meet a handful of semen.

Every time Ted Cruz says something...

is a Ted talk

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

Ted Cruz releases three new campaign promises:

Ted Cruz may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Ted Cruz must obey orders given him by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Promise.

Ted Cruz must protect his own existence as long as such protection d...

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz was elated to discover a food that when fed to dolphins enabled them to live eternal lives. One day the biologist found that he was out of seagull mash, a main ingredient in the eternal life food. Worried that the he would miss the next c...

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A guy walks into a bar.

He says to the barman, is that Trump and Cruz over there? Bartender says, "Yep that's them" so the guy walks over and says,wow this is a real honour! What you guys doing here? Cruz says, We're planning World WW111, guy says, really what's going to happen? Trump says, We are gonna kill 140 million Mu...

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the pe...

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A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz.

91% said ‘Never Again”.

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What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

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What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's dad have in common?

They both waited too long to pull out.

Hillary, Trump, and Cruz walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Hillary tells the bartender: "Good evening, my man! Pour me a drink, I'm tired and thirsty from all the campaigning."

Donald Trump then says: "Merry Christmas! I want a drink too."

He then looks clos...

Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon

[hope you can decrypt it]

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

Rick Santorum drops out and throws his support to Ted Cruz

Thanks for nothing!

What did Ted Cruz's wife get after being elbowed by him?

A Ted Bruz

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar. The bartender sees them chatting, so he goes over to them and says "Wow, what an honor to have the two of you here! What are you guys talking about?"

Trump responds with "We are planning our tactics for World War III."

Curious, the barten...

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Ted Cruz takes his religious values very seriously

He always pulls out before finishing

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

(Long) A clown on a tricycle is riding down the highway...

... when suddenly he comes across a hitch hiker.
"Where you off to on this glorious day, my man?" called the hitch hiker. The clown responds, "I'm going to Texas. They say an old lady named Edna makes an amazing fruit punch!" The hitch hiker is intrigued, so he decides to tag along.

Furthe...

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Trump asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says ...

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This kid loves tractors and it’s his favourite thing in the world.

He has everything relating to tractors, bed sheets, toys and posters, the lot. He would always talk about them every moment he possibly could.

Anyways his dad for his 8th birthday he takes his son to the farmers market. The kid was in his element, he sees every possible tractor he could imag...

Where does Santa go to relax after Christmas?

Santa Cruz

[NSFW] Three guys go to Vegas

Three guys arrange a weekend in Vegas, kiss their wives goodbye, and hit the road.

As soon as they arrive, the drinking starts and continues late into the night. Eventually they all tire out and agree to head back to the hotel. For economic reasons they booked a single room, but they were a...

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

What is the only way to stop Donald Trump?

A Cruz missile.

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Donald, Scott, Ted & a Mexican guy are walking on a beach...

Donald Trump, Scott Walker, Ted Cruz & a Mexican guy are walking along a beach when They notice a lamp in the sand. All 4 men reach for it at the same time.

Upon touching it, a genie pops out. The genie says: "Normally, I'd grant 3 wishes to one person, but since you've all touched the ...

What were the Zodiac Killer's Plans for Vacation?

To take a Cruz.

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