What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Hallmark,

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Your cards are shit and your movies are too.

What’s the difference between Hallmark movies and Scooby-Doo?

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

Hallmark Card:

“I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

Bob's anniversary

Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck’s engine started sputtering and died on the road.

Bob was fairl...

I gave my wife a get better soon hallmark card

She's not sick, I hate her and she can do better

A guy walks in to a Hallmark Store.......

And asks the attendant:

Do you have a valentine's card that says: "Our love is unique, I love you with all my heart, you are the love of my life"?

Attendant says: How romantic,
Sure, We do have some.

The guy says: can I get 3 of those please.

At the Hallmark store

"Do you sell sympathy cards?" I asked at the Hallmark store.

"Yes we do." replied the clerk.

"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?"

Today I got 150 Valentines cards, I was totally shocked and breathless

The security guard at Hallmark gave quite a chase!

Why is it that kids love bubble wrap, while adults just find it annoying?

Nobody really knows, it's just one of the hallmarks of pop culture.

My granddad used to say "Pick a card, any card."

He was the laziest employee Hallmark ever had…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?

Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best.

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