What did the robot have written on their gravestone?

Rust In Peace

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

My gravestone:

At last, root access!

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I was wandering through the cemetery earlier today when I saw a guy kneeling behind a gravestone

Trying to be polite, I said “Morning.”

To which he replied “Nope just taking a shit.”

I bet that if Arnold Shwartsnegger dies his gravestone will say 'I will be back'

Sorry if there are spelling mistakes

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A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

What can be written on both a gravestone and the White House?

"Here lies Donald"

What do you put on a dead fruits gravestone?

R.I.P.E

Buddhists never write R.I.P on the gravestones

All of them just say BRB

When is the best occasion to wear a gravestone marker hat?

When your hair is dyed

I asked my dying father if he could pay for his expensive gravestone in advance before he died.

He replied, "Over my dead body."

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The passenger and the nun (old, but gold)

A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Aroused, he wishes to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"

"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.

Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I...

Saw a gravestone yesterday marked ‘Eliza’...

Eliza Mann

Nothing else signifies the end of a beyblade career like a gravestone. It's the last way to...

Let it R.I.P.

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A man was sat hunched behind a gravestone with his head in his hands...

...A passerby greeted him "Morning",

The man replied, "Nah, having a shit".

My ex-wife recently passed away. Guess what she got on her gravestone?

My urine.

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One day a man gets on a bus and sees the most beautiful Muslim woman sitting in one of the seats.

Even with her headscarf he can tell she’s gorgeous. The seat next to her is open so he sits beside her. He decides he has to have her, but can’t think of what to say to her so he asks, “do you want to have sex?”

The woman slaps him and gets off the bus. A few stops later the man goes to get ...

Wise words from a Gravestone

In life... a man needs a woman he can laugh with,

a woman who will cook for him,

a woman who he can enjoys life's adventures with,

and it's super important that these women never meet,

Otherwise you will end up in the ground like me.

Two men walking in a cemetery find a gravestone

Two men walking in a cemetery find a recent gravestone , so they read it:

-"Here lies an honest man and a competent lawyer"

So one of the guys turn to the other:

-"When did they start burying two people together?"

A man and his son are driving past a graveyard.

Suddenly, the son leans forward and asks, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

Surprised, the man said, "Of course not! Why ask such a question?"

His son replied, well I read a gravestone that read, "Here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

There was a man named John Odd

There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name.

People constantly made fun of it, called him and his wife "The Odd couple", named him "The Odd man out" wherever he went, all that.

So he's getting older and writes out his will. And in the will he says when he dies he doe...

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[NSFW] The nun and the pervert

Jeff was on his morning commute when a beautiful young nun walked on. He couldn't help himself and began trying to flirt with the nun, who just sat there in silence and got off at the next stop.

The bus driver overheard Jeff's attempts and decided to let him in on a secret.

"She prays...

Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further.

So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.

One day while he was up on the scaffolding -- the job almost finished -- he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the s...

What is written on Ronald McDonald's gravestone?

McRIP

Two skeletons decided to go on a trip...

Two skeletons decided to go on a trip. They were about to hit the road when one skeleton decided to check if they got all the items they will need. Few minutes into checking, one skeleton realizes that his buddy doesn't have his documents on him and that they could get pulled over by cops.

"...

My dad uses to tell this joke alot

There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarresed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone.

One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it....

2 Irishmen walking down a country road

One of the men says to the other, “Paddy look!, there’s a gravestone of a man who lived to 250 years old!”

Paddy says “What was his name?”

Brendan replies “Miles to London”

There was once a man named Odd.

People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

An odd joke

Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never l...

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

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Two intoxicated women stopped to pee in a cemetery...

...after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first woman squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn’t have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The second woman squats down near a gravestone and ...

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Three women go on a night out...

Three women go on a night out and leave their husbands looking after the kids.

They get incredibly drunk, but decide to call it a night and head home when they can barely stand. One of the women on the walk home says "I really need to go for a piss, come into this graveyard here"....so they ...

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[NSFW] A man is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on.

The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says.

"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves.

Suddenly the bus driver turns around to th...

His name is odd

So there was this guy named odd, and see everyone would make fun of him, cause his name was odd, lol.

So when he died, he told the gravestone guy to leave his gravestone blank, so no one would make fun of his grave.

But see, when people would walk by his grave, they would say:

...

A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery

...and come across a gravestone that reads "here lies a lawyer and a good man"

The boy asks his father "Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"

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A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

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A man is on a bus, and then a hot nun gets on...

The man went up to her and asked her if they could bang, and the nun, who is definitely appalled, immediately gets off at the next stop.

A couple stops later the man goes to the bus driver and asks him, "Hey do you know how you can bang a nun? Particularly the one who got off a couple stops b...

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Two widows go to the cemetery everyday...

... One of them spends all her time crying by the grave of her late husband. The other one just stands on the gravestone of her respective husband and urinates all over it.
So, the first one found the behaviour of the second one weird, went to her and asked:
"Did you hate him that much that y...

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My therapist asked me how I knew I was in the wrong body.

I simply checked the gravestone.

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A Hippie walks into a bus...

At the back he sees a nun and he asks her

"Hey, you wanna fuck?"

The nun responds saying

"Heavens no!"

And then she walks out of the bus.
The hippie was about to go after her when the bus driver says

"I see you're trying to fuck that nun, well this is what you'...

A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.

A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery:

"Morning!"

The elderly man replies:

"Oh no, just taking a dump."

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Three Irishmen

Three Irishmen are walking home after a night at the pub. They're all a bit pissed, and decided to take the shortcut through the churchyard. As they pass the gravestones, one Irishman says to the others, "Look at this, boys. Ol' Patrick Flannigan lived 'til 85". Another of the men says, "Ah, that's ...

Guy sitting in a graveyard

A man works at a graveyard, but he still gets the chills when he is around gravestones. The grave keeper passes by the graveyard one day and sees a man just sitting next to a couple of gravestones. He walks up to the man and asks him, “Aren't you scared in this place?"

The man looks at him a...

There was a Scottish painter...

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoratio...

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