UPJOKE
christianpreachertelevangelistpreachjohnapostlegospelrevivalistevangelicalpentecostaldisciplemarkchristianitygospelergospeller

Evangelist Jokes

A Hindu, Jewish Rabbi, and Mormon Evangelist are lost.

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

Evangelists don’t need health care.

They’re on the single prayer system.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel.

He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled."

The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"

An old but timely parable / joke for our times

A river valley was flooding fast. A TV news bulletin warned residents to get to higher ground. But as everyone was evacuating, a smug Evangelist stood his ground and declared "I will pray to God to deliver me from this disaster!"

So he prayed.

Some time went by and the floodwaters ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an evangelist and an atheist?

Atheists don’t fuck kids and lie about believing in God

Three nuns die in a car crash

They ascend to heaven and are met at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. “Before you can enter Heaven you must each answer a question to prove your piety.”
He turns to the first nun and asks “How many commandments did God give to Moses?” The nun says “Oh, that’s easy, 10!” Ba Bada Bah! The trumpet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

Faith healing

An elderly couple were sitting in the parlor their humble home, listening to an evangelist's weekly radio broadcast on their tabletop radio. The hymns and sermons done with, the evangelist addressed the radio audience.

"And NOWWWW!...ALL who are SUFFering under the PANGS of ILLness and inF...

During church the preacher asked the people in line what they needed prayer for.

One man request prayer for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and asked
him, "How's your hearing?" The man replied, "I don't know. It's not until next Tuesday."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful what you say to your grandkids...

A 5-year-old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked:

"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied:

"Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.