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Mark Zuckerberg Jokes

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,

This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and my neighbour Steve?

Steve's not a cunt.

My wife asked me why I was speaking softly in the house….

I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening.
She laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed.
Siri laughed.

A boy walks up to Mark Zuckerberg

The boy says: “My daddy said you were stealing out information”

Mark Zuckerberg replies: “He isn’t your dad”

Donald Trump, the Pope, Mark Zuckerberg, and a schoolboy are on a plane...

Suddenly, they hit turbulence. The pilot, telling them that the plane is going to crash, grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. There are only 3 parachutes left, so Mark Zuckerberg says, "I am worth over 50 billion dollars," and jumps out of the plane. Trump says "I am the smartest man in the...

What’s the differences between your wife and Mark Zuckerberg?

Mark Zuckerberg knows more about you.

what do you call Mark Zuckerberg fighting a crocodile?

Alien VS Predator!

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?

Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .

Guy : Leave it bro, it was my...

Mark Zuckerberg writes poetry about writing poetry

He calls it Meta verse.

Mark Zuckerberg’s car hit someone’s car

Guy: *angry* Do you know who I am?!

Mark: Yes, your name is Andrew Smith, you have 122 friends out of which 30 are females, and your wife has 652 friends and 600 of them are males. Last year she messaged with a guy named Michael…

Guy: OKAY. Enough! The accident was my fault, just leave...

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg?

One's a human trying to conquer Mars and the other is an alien trying to conquer Earth.

Note: This joke isn't mine, I heard it somewhere but I forgot where, if it's already been posted send me the link and I'll remove it.

A Kid says to Mark Zuckerberg...

Kid:. My Dad says Facebook knows everything and that your spying on people.

Mark: He's not your Dad...

It would be cool meeting Mark Zuckerberg

He knows everything about you, your interests, etc.

What is Mark Zuckerberg's favorite VR game?

Monopoly

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?

Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI

Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge

Mark :

consultant :

Mark ...

Why would Mark Zuckerberg be a very good taxi driver?

You get in the car and he already knows your name and where you live

In an effort to provide a calmer and more peaceful experience, Mark Zuckerberg is renaming and reformatting Facebook...

He's going to call it: Metastasis.

So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...

They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...

Alien vs Predator

When will mark zuckerberg die?

January 19 2038 of course

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

Data.

So he can mine it.

What was Mark Zuckerberg's favourite game to play as a child?

iSpy.

What’s Mark Zuckerberg’s favourite recreational sport?

Fishing

Why did Mark Zuckerberg only need a sip of water?

Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.

How many chargers does Mark Zuckerberg carry when he travels?

Three. One for his laptop, one for his phone and one for himself.

Mark Zuckerberg refuses formal appearance before Parliament

Couldn't find a tux with a hoodie

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

“While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it”

Mark Zuckerberg published “a privacy-focused vision” for Facebook today.

Oh wait, it’s not April 1.

What's Mark Zuckerberg's least favourite Beatles song?

Baby, You're a Titch Man

What is the name of Mark Zuckerbergs mother?

Motherzucker

The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

My friend warned me that Mark Zuckerberg was the last person I should trust with my information

Literally and alphabetically

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Facebook company has changed its name to Meta

This reminds me of the time I was at a function with Mark Zuckerberg.

I Meta morally corrupt, reptile looking asshole.

Mark zuckerberg and i were in a band once. We gave him a choice to play the melody, the harmony, or display our newsfeed in chronological order.

But no matter how much we didn't want him to, he kept insisting, "I'll go rhythms. "

What is the most common reply that Mark Zuckerberg gets when he makes a post?

Good bot.

Software conglomerate Meta to acquire Mucil...

Founder Mark Zuckerberg states "The Meta-mucil merger will help us move things along. They are looking forward to this with every fiber of their being."

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