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Nutty Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nutty Joke

I made this up while playing around at work, but I'm sure it's already been come up with at some point; however I would like to submit this joke:

Ask someone, "do you participate in No Nuts November?" They will either smile, look confused, or both. Then tell them that it's a peanut allergy aw...

I don't drink cow milk, because I'm not a baby cow.

However I do drink almond milk, because I'm a little nutty!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A colleague told me a nutty joke

Her: What do you have if you have two nuts on the wall?

Me: Walnuts?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts in wrapped in a dollar bill?

Me: Cashews..?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts on your chin?

Me: I dont know..

Her: Probably a d...

How did the neckbeard greet his nutty university?

M'acadamia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of books I've read this year

● Taming Wild Cats by Claude Face.


● Making Weatherproof Clothes by Ranier Day.


● All Aboard! by Abel Seamann.


● One Hundred Metres to the Bus Stop, by Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont.


● The Greatest Detective Stories Ever Told by Watts E. Dunn.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse goes to a divorce lawyer...

Lawyer: Mr. Mouse, you can't divorce Minnie because she's a little nutty.

Mickey: I didn't say she was a little nutty, I said she was fucking Goofy!

Why did the hedgehog and the squirrel stop being friends?

The hedgehog was too prickly and the squirrel was too nutty

Any food allergies in the Audience?

Because this is gonna get a little Corny, and a little Nutty….

A professor dreams that he steps on a rusty nail

After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"

There is a conspiracy theory that ALCOA and Planters secretly control the world.

Maybe you've heard of the AlumaNutty?

I was trying to think up some squirrel puns.

But, they were all too nutty.

What did the people say about the eccentric poo?

It was a little nutty.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

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