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Luther Jokes

In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....

And sharks get a whole week.


It's probably because they are great whites.

Martin Luther dies and goes to see Jesus

He asks: How come the most important events in Christianity are always determined when someone has too many nails and a hammer?

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It was a long day at the gates of heaven, and St Peter was ready to go home

The final man in line walked up. He was a little man, wearing a tuxedo which looked like it had been scorched, and he was holding a golden baton. The man's appearance was otherwise unremarkable, but for the gigantic, shit eating smile on his face.

"What happened to you, sir?"

"I got ...

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A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote.

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"





Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."





Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."





Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"





Aga...

What's the difference between St Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On St. Paddy's Day, everyone pretends to be Irish.

JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar

They get a few shots

Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King?

Cause he had a Dream.

Donald Trump showed up in Washington D.C. to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!

Actually, he just heard the words "Washington D.C." and "King" and got excited.

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

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Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white

If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.

Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked

50% off all black speakers

What did Martin Luther King say to his wife while proposing?

Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms.

I'm so jealous of Martin Luther King Jr.

Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams

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Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Adolf Hitler are all running in a race, who wins?

Hitler, cause he’s the racist

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A joke about Martin Luther King

Frank is on vacation in an oceanfront town, and lucks into a parking spot right near a pier. After taking in the view for a few minutes, he wanders into the small town and looks at the touristy shops. One antique shop catches his eye, so he walks in. Most of the stuff is pretty dusty and useless, bu...

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

What is Martin Luther King's least favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas

A city bus cleaner is hanging ads promoting Martin Luther King Jr Day...

His co-worker shouts "Hey, those belong at the back of the bus!"

I'm going my laundry on Monday instead of Sunday. I have the day off that day because of Martin Luther King day.

In the spirit of the holiday, I am not going to separate my colors from my whites.

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon, when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year, I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go..."

"Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year, you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene got pregnant once again!"

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you go...

Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?

His vision was based on movements.

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

A collector of rare books ran into a friend who told him he had just thrown out an old Bible that he had found in a dusty old box.

The collector's friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible.

"You don't mean Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

"You fool! You've thrown out one of the first books ever printed! A copy was recently auctioned off for hundreds of thousand...

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It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

Why didn't Lex play well with the other kids?

He was a sore Luther.

Son: If you could save any famous person who would it be?

Daughter: Martin Luther King Jr.

Son: I would save the Rock.

Daughter: He’s not dead.

Son: You’re welcome.

Two schoolgirls are coming home from Sunday school one day...

One turns to the other and says, "Do you believe in the devil?"

The other one says, "Don't be silly, of course not, the devil is like Santa; it's only your dad."

–Season one episode two of the BBC's Luther.

****

*http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Luther/70175633

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Little Johnny Goes To School...

Little Johnny goes to school and after only 15 minutes, the teacher tells them that whoever can identify the speaker one of three quotes can go home. Johnny couldn't believe it, he was smart enough, he could go home after only 15 minutes of school!

So the teacher says "I'll start out with an ...

A man walked into a bar. The bartender asked him "so, why the long face?"

The man said, "Well, my grandpa died. We had the funeral yesterday".

"Oh, I'm so sorry", said the bartender. "Here, have this one on the house".



"Well thanks, but that's not all," said the man. "You see, today morning, his will was read. I used to think that I was his favorite,...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

Two little girls were walking home from Sunday School

One turns to the other and asks "What did you think about all that Satan stuff- do you think he's real?" The other replied, "Don't be silly, the Devil's like Santa- it's just your dad."



Thanks Luther, for this joke and for being a great TV show.

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My italian barber Paulie told me this joke.

So a teacher is in class Thursday afternoon the teacher tells her students if they can name who said this quote then they can have Friday off.

So the teacher asks who said "I cannot tell a lie"?

A young asian kid says "George Washington". The teacher tells him good job and he can have...

Just an old Bible

Jimmy had decided to take a year off before starting college and to hitchhike around Europe with his friend Billy. After several weeks he called his dad to get him to send them more money .


"It's been more expensive than I thought over here Dad", Jimmy told his dad. "We got to Germany and...

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day...

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day, checking in on everybody to make sure they're enjoying the place.

He checks in with Mother Teresa and sure enough, there she is in the middle of a party having a grand time with all her friends. So Jesus moves on.

He checks in on Martin Luther...

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