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Losers Jokes

Why are people with foot fetishes always losers?

Because they love the smell of defeat!

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Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.

"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a sexy striptease for you."

Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

I feel sorry for the guys who regularly go to strip clubs...

Every time I go I think, "Man, I see some of these losers here every week."

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A man loses his ass at a Las Vegas casino... (NSFW)

He has only his return plane ticket and a stash of cash at home, but not a penny with him. He sees one cab outside of the casino and pleads with the driver to give him the short ride to the airport, and he'll send the driver double his fare when he gets home.

"Goddamn filthy losers", says the...

Why are people with a foot fetish losers?

Because they like the taste of DA FEET

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Self-deprecating humor is for fucking losers.

Which is why I use it so much.

How can you spot the losers in a social media War?

They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! Retweet!!"

I'm such a loser, that if I joined a contest for losers I'd be 2nd.

I won't be the 1st since I'm a freaking loser.

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Johnny gets a long weekend

On a Thursday near the end of the day a teacher tells the class that whoever can name the person who said a famous quote could have Friday off.

Teacher "Ok class, who can tell me who said 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself'?

Sally excitedly shouts "FDR!"

Teacher "Thats c...

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This young lady got tired of the losers she's been meeting in the dating scene.

One day, out of frustration, she posts an ad in the local personals;

"I'm looking for an honest man. One who is witty, won't hit me, and won't run around on me, and is good in bed."

Several days passed and there was no response, so she forgot about it.

Two weeks later, her doorb...

I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting one time and let me tell you

What a bunch of losers.

Before the Bronze Age...

people who came in third place were just called losers.

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Best submarine

Last Saturday, a British, a Russian and an American admiral met in Pearl Harbour, and standing on the water front, they were bragging about their ships.

British admiral: "I say chaps, we have a jolly good new submarine, which can go around Ireland under water without surfacing once. It's bloo...

I was the referee in a Russian Roulette tournament

I did an excellent job, none of the losers complained

My friends and I used to love a good game of Russian Roulette.

Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.

What’s better than a cake day on Reddit?

Damned if any of us losers know.

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3 drunk mice

3 mice are up late at night, drinking and bullshitting, as mice often do. Just eating cheese bits and chasing them down with copious amounts of alcohol.

They begin to brag about how tough they are relating various experiences evading the cat, the exterminator and other adventures, each one...

I tried to set up a weight loss group...

...but apparently calling it “The Fat Losers Club” isn’t acceptable.

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I don’t understand why people keep tearing down Confederate statues?

Shouldn’t the losers get to keep their participation trophies?

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People get made fun of for being virgins, but what are people who have LOST their virginity?

Losers

Today i saw a strip club across the road from a minigolf place.

I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if your trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and kids and you look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing minigolf.

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