Hey Redditors, how do you address a group of imbeciles?

Oh wait, I told that out of order.

How do you address a group of imbeciles?

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I drunkenly staggered into the back of a taxi.

I burped twice and the driver glared at me in his rear view mirror.

"It's £50 if you throw up on my seats," he declared.

Another enormous burp left my mouth.

Thankfully I was able to control my nausea until we stopped outside my home. One final burp filled the interior of the ca...

To all Imbeciles of Reddit

Thank you for admitting it.

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

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A Medical Friend Just Sent Me This Lockdown Update

THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE LIFTING RESTRICTIONS IN PARKS AND BEACHES DURING THE EASTER BREAK.

The Government has announced today that, for the Easter break, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and Beaches and invite friends round for BBQ’s.

IMPORTANT- PLEASE READ

While the maj...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping...

They build up their tents and after a good meal and a bottle of the finest wine they lay down and go to sleep.

A few hours later, Holmes wakes up his good friend and says, "Watson, my dear friend, look up and tell me what you see." Watson then replies "I see millions and millions of stars" an...

A rabbit walks into a butcher shop

(All credit to Eddie Izzard, who told this joke at the end of his Wunderbar show here recently and who left us in stitches with his delivery of it.)



One morning, a rabbit walks into a butcher shop and says, 'Hello, sir. Do you have any carrots?'

The barber responds, 'Carrots? T...

Five cannibals

Five cannibals are hired as employees in a company.
Their first day at the company the boss tells them:
- Now you are part of the group, here you earn well, and if you are hungry you can go to the company canteen. So please, do not bother other employees!
The cannibals promise not to distur...

A man's house is drowning

The boat tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and big ship tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and helicopter tries to save him, but the man says:

...

A submarine is following its course, when the alarm goes off...

Everyone starts panicking, except for James. He is known for being the funniest among the recruits and he always lights up the mood, even in critical situations.

"What is going on?" he asks.

"We are about to crash, you imbecile! Go help Smith, quick!"

"Wanna hear a funny j...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping

Towards the end of the evening, they decide to turn into their tent and sleep.

Around 3AM, Sherlock rouses Watson awake

"Watson! Watson!!"

Watson opens his eyes and sees a beautiful night sky full of shimmering stars.

"What do you see Watson?"

"Well Dr Holmes, I se...

What do you call a dumb A.I.?

Artificial Imbecile.

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Drunk Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer had a few extra shots at the White House ball. Drunk as a skunk, he wandered the grounds until he came upon the Rochambeau statue in Lafayette Square.

As he sat puking in the bushes, he suddenly heard a distinct pssssttt... Afraid that a MSNBC journalist might catch him in this st...

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A young apprentice flukes his exams and gets to do his first autopsy.

He walks to his supervisor. "er, excuse me.."
"What is it ?"
"Umm, it's Mrs Pratt, there's something wrong.."
"Well come on man, spit it out"
"There's a um, a b-big shrimp stuck in her er, vagina"
His supervisor turns around and stares at him.
"um, a a, s-super shrimp, r-right in t...

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A man walks into a French restaurant and sits at a table

The waiter approaches and says, "good evening sir, would you like to order some food?"

"Orange duck! " the man says

"I think you mean Duck a l'orange Sir." the waiter explains

"No, a large orange Duck!!" the man shouts

"Sir, it's Duck a l'orange and unfortunately we're a...

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Father O’Mally has been preaching

at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Veg...

A man falls over board a ship...

As this man is floating in the ocean, a boat comes and asks him if he wants to be saved, but he says "No, I am a devout Christian, God will save me." The guys on the boat are a bit confused, but they leave.

Another boat comes along and asks the man if he wants to be saved, but again he says t...

Genie: what's your first wish?

Mick: I wish I were Incredibly wealthy!
*POOF*
Genie: You were incredibly wealthy.
Mick: No you imbecile, I wish I WAS RICH
*POOF*
Genie: You are Rich
Rich: Well that backfired but...
Genie: ...but a deal is a deal and you promised to use your third wish to set me fre..
Rich:...

Anti-vaxxers make me SICK!

Or they would, if my parents were imbeciles

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An Italian, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are hired to dig a tunnel

The foreman assigns the tasks before they begin to work.

"Alright Gino here will dig the tunnel, Henri will reinforce it with wood and Wang will be in charge of the supplies."

And so the Italian, the Frenchman and the Chinese man set off to work.

The following afternoon, the for...

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A buffalo is ruminating in the middle of the great plain...

as he observes a small white rabbit getting nearer and nearer.
The rabbit stops right in front of his face.

*"get the hell out of my way, you big ass imbecile!"* the little rabbit yells. The buffalo just ignores him.

The rabbit goes on yelling.
*"are you stupid, other than ugly? ...

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