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Loony Jokes

Three loonies

There were three loonies in an asylum. Their doctor said that they can go after looking after an animal each, they need to find out more about the animal.

The first person gets a dog, the second gets a cat and the third gets two spiders in a matchbox.

A week passes.

The first pe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

Did you hear about the guy that escaped from a loony bin, went to the laundromat and assaulted some patrons, then ran away?

The headline in the paper read,

> Nut Screws Washers and Bolts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophiliac, a pyromaniac, a necrophilliac, a pedophile and a masochist are in the loony bin.

Zoophilliac: Let's fuck a cat!

Pedophile: Make it a kitten!

Pyromaniac: Before we fuck it we burn it!

Necrophilliac: Yes! we fuck it after it's dead!

Everyone is jumping in excitement, then look at the masochist.

Masochist: MEEEEEEEOOOWWWWWWW.

A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office...

When his secretary comes in and says "Sir, there's a man here to see you who thinks he's a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it."

And the psychiatrist replied "Doris! Are you asking me to commit a murder!?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Who's that over there talking to himself?" I asked the barman in the pub.

"That's Bill," He replied. "He comes in every dinner time and sits and has a drink with his imaginary wife."

"Is he a loony?" I asked.

"What makes you say that?" He laughed.

"Why else would you have an imaginary wife?" I replied, "an imaginary girlfriend would be far less hassle...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

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