Two bats are going for their midnight feed

After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."

After awhile the se...

3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.

The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty bloody. "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all...

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....

discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

How are bats like real-estate agents?

It’s all echo-location location location

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Serve alcohol at a party, nobody bats an eye

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit

A bat race was called!

Three bats had to get as much blood as they could in a certain amount of time.

After the time is up, the judge goes to the first bat and see some blood on his legs. He asks him where did he get it from?

The first bat told him, "you see that tree over there? Behind it there's a mall and...

PG 13 movies can show literally hundreds of human beings getting slaughtered and nobody bats an eye. But you drown just one dog...

and they ask you to leave the pool.

What do you call a forum for bats?

An echo chamber

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When a women removes polish with chemicals,no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.

Two bats sat in a tree...

...One was hungry for blood, so he flew out.

A minute later he came back with his whole face covered in blood.

"Where did you get all that blood?" Asked the second bat eagerly.

"You see that tree over there?"

"No..."

"Me neither."

I often find that redditors and bats are very similar,

they both live in echo chambers.

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Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Edit: NSFW was requested

Edit: yes, this is a repost. Sharing the laughs.

Three bats chilling in a cave upside down

On of them goes out for a hunt, turns back with his mouth full of blood. Both are impressed, "damn dude what did you catch?" "You see that pile of flesh? Well that was a big fat cat, juicy blood!".

The second one goes out, turns back within an hour, whole face covered in blood. "Wooah man, te...

if bats could talk what would they say about the corona virus?

Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!

There's all this talk about the lack of women in STEM, but it's always been surprising how no one bats an eye at USPS.

After all, their workforce consists entirely of mail trucks.

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A vampire bat came flopping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, parked himself on the ceiling of a cave, and prepared to get some sleep.

Pretty soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and go get some sleep.

But they persisted, until finally he gave in, grudgingly. “Ok,” he said, “follow me,” and he flew out of the cave with hundreds and hundreds of bats...

One dark & misty night two hungry vampire bats are planning their next meal...

One says "Let's split up and meet back here in twenty minutes, and see who's found the best place to dine this evening."
Twenty minutes later they're back together to share what they've discovered.
The first says "No joy here. Nothing doing with me- but, it seems you've had more luck- where di...

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.

One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out ...

Somewhere, in a cave, in Transylvania...

...three bats were hanging upside down.

Without a word, one flies away, and returns after an hour, face full of blood, and says "Did you guys see that drove of pigs over there?"

"Yeah" comes the answer from the other two.

"I sucked the blood out of every single one of them"
<...

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Two hungry vampire bats are sitting in a tree, discussing the best area to go to get some juicy blood...

The first bat says "I'm gonna fly out of the woods and see if there's anything near the river.

When the first bat returns, the second bat says "Did you have much luck?", to which he replies "Nah, absolutely nothing down there".

The second bat says "Okay I'm going to fly further into th...

When a girl says she wants to have a guy's babies, no one bats an eye, but when I say I want to give someone my babies-

-I'm suddenly under arrest for human trafficking.

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles.

One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood. The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs.



He says, “See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people.”



The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, “See that castle o...

Three bats are hanging out in their cave

A large one, a medium one and a small one.
"I'm feeling hungry." Says the big one and flies out of the cave. He returns with a bloody face and asks "Do you guys remember the town by the hill?"
"We remember."
"Well forget about it. No one survived."
Few minutes later the medium ba...

Three hungry bats...

Three hungry vampire bats are hanging upside down in a tall tower at night, having not eaten anything for several days.
Extremely hungry they look around for something they can drink the blood off.

The first bat, sees something, flies away and returns several minutes later with blood dropp...

A hippopotamus walks into a bar. He buys a drink for the rabbit on the bar stool. She bats her eyes at him. He asks for a dance..

The rabbit says "tango?"

He says "nope.... Lets do Hip Hop!"

Did you know groups of bats can power things?

They’re called bat-arrays

Two vampire bats are very hungry

Two very hungry vampire bats are hanging as they would, upside down, and are talking about the lack of animals in their surrounding to feed from. They have been going for days in search for a victim for them to get their nourishment to no avail.

Bat 1: "I am going out again, I am starving"...

So a bat comes back to the bat cave...

...with his face completely covered in blood. All the other bats get super excited and ask him "where did you get all that blood?!! Finally a decent meal!", so he says "come with me, I'll show you!".

So they all super excitedly fly out of the bat cave, they turn left and fly off.

He f...

What’s the worst thing for bats as they age?

Incontinence.

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

Vampire bats fly out of their cave and into the night looking for blood.

As the sun begins to rise the following morning, all of them return without consuming a single drop of blood, no one could find any food that night.

All except one, Gerald, who flies back in with blood pouring down his fangs.

"I searched all night for some blood, didn't even get a sni...

What kind of bats swing upside down?

Acro-bats!

(From my 6 year old)

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Three vampire bats had a blood drinking competition

The first bat flew away and came back with blood on its teeth saying "You see that man over there? I drank his blood"
Then the second bat flew away and came back with blood all around his mouth saying "You see that family over there? I drank blood from all of them"
Then it was the third bat's ...

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave

The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?”



“I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.”

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As Vernon the vampire bat flew inside the cave…

his friends started at him with a mixture of admiration and jealousy.

“Yo Vernon, your face is covered with blood! What kind of animal did you feed from?”

Vernon gazed as his friends and said smugly “None of your business!”

“C’mon Man! Don’t be an idiot! Tell us!”

“Nah. N...

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

Two vampire bats were hanging arround

Suddenlly the first one states: "I'm hungry, I'm going to grab a bite to eat" and he flies off.

Half an hour later he returns with a huge smile on his face and blood on his chin.

The other bat asks: "Did you get your fill?"

"Oh boy did i ever. Do you see that red roofed barn way...

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