Credential Jokes

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro... read more

.. but every single one of my sources has so far admitted to being the fraudster.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ... read more

Their selection comes down to one final test.

The candidates are brought to a remote, undisclosed location and given a loaded firearm. They receive instructions to walk into an adjacent room and kill the person they see sitting there.

Candidate 1, a highly decorated veteran agent wit... read more

what did one state say to prove his credentials as a carpenter?

arkanSAW

So Axl, Bon and Stevie visit out of curiosity. They sit at the bar and grab the bartender’s attentions. They swing by, and reveal themselves as the members of Survivor: Dave Bickler, Jim Peterik, and Frankie Sullivan. Axl, Bon, and Stevie groan as they expected someone with more credentials.

... read more

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility.... read more

She will be going away on a business trip for a week. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The luxury car, its gleaming shell attracting wishful looks from passer-bys, is parked on the street in front of ... read more

A cop pulls over a car during a traffic check and as he's asking the driver for his credentials, he spots three penguins sitting in the backseat.

"Sir, what are you doing with three penguins in your car?" asked the cop.

"That's a funny story." answered the man, "I won these off of a fr... read more

My dad played high school baseball, and the second baseman, John, eventually grew up to be a very successful accountant and married his high school sweetheart. Over the next 25 years, John also collected rare and antique baseball cards, eventually accumulating the world's most expensive collection…<... read more