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Live Together Jokes

Three old brothers that are 94, 96, and 98 live together.

One day, the oldest brother decides to take a bath, so he fills up the tub. He put one foot in, then stops. He yells down the stairs “Was I getting in or out of the bath”.

The 96 year old yells back “I’m not sure, I’ll come up and see”. He takes one step up the stairs, stops, and yells “Was I...

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Patty and Selma are sisters in their 40s that live together.

They are both virgins.



One night, Selma turns to Patty and says

"I can't stand it anymore. I'm going down to the local pub, and anyone that wants me, can have me."



Later that night, Selma stumbles back into the house. As soon as she closes the door, she drops her...

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.

Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

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To save money, I suggested to one of my grown sons that we all live together in one house.

I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-effective when he asked, “Who’s going to pay the therapist?

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Two worms live together on a gold course.

First worm asks what’s the weather like? Second worm says he’ll check and starts making his way up the dirt.

Meanwhile, two lady golfers are on the course. First one has to piss. Second one says just do it right here, nobody’s around.

Meanwhile the worm goes to the dirt looks up and g...

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There are two identical twin brothers that live together.

One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After so...

i'm making a sitcom about a group of deaf friends who live together in new york

it's called signfeld

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After we had sex, my boyfriend and I were talking over dinner and I asked if, when we were done eating, would he mind putting a load in the dishwasher.

He responded, "The one earlier wasn't enough?"

(This actually just happened but I had to reword it a tiny bit to make it into a punchline)

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?


"Womb-mates"

Dad and his son Billy, age 5, had a conversation. Dad: Billy listen. Your mother and I have decided that we can't live together anymore.

Billy: But papa, where will mommy live??

Dad: She'll still live here.

Billy: Oh papa I will miss you.

Dad: I will miss you too Billy. Now pack up your stuff you got 15minutes to get the f\*\*k out.

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A pair of 18 year old twin brothers live together on a farm in the middle of nowhere...

The house is small so they have to sleep in the barn. One night there's a terrible rainstorm and a beautiful young woman asks for shelter for the night. She's told to sleep in the barn with the brothers.

The young woman decides that she wants to fool around with the brothers, but can tell the...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;

it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be frien...

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Two Jewish boys were in a concentration camp together...

During their time there they became like brothers and when the war ended, they decided that they should live together as such. Many years go by until one of them wins the lottery.

"I can't believe you won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"

"First, I'll buy us a...

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An old joke my dad told me

A man and a woman, along with their six children, live together on a farm, raising chickens and other animals. Once a week, they slaughter one of the older chickens, and roast it for dinner. However, the family always fight over who gets to have a leg off the chicken, with only two of the eight fami...

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An old Jewish man rubs a lamp, and a genie emerges.

"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you one wish," the genie says.

The old man instantly pulls out a map of Israel and says, "My deepest wish is that the Jews, Muslims and Christians in the Holy Land will live together in peace and fellowship forever."

The genie hangs his head ...

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A black guy, a Jew, a Mexican, and a racist white Southerner are waiting at a bus stop...

...when all of a sudden a genie comes along. He says, "Well, we've got some time before the bus comes so why don't I grant you all one wish."

So the Jew pipes up and says, "My one true wish is that all of my people be able to live in peace together in Israel." The genie snaps his fingers, a...

What does a kitten, a donkey, and a the world cup have in common?

They live together. Catastrophe!

Little Susie spent the summer holidays on a pony farm in the Cotswolds

Back home, she asked,

"We all live together just like the animals, don't we, Mummy?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"So I'm just like a little foal?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"And you, Mummy, you're practically the beautiful mare?"

...

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I was having lunch with Boris, the Estonian IT guy....

He was telling me about the crazy night he had before moving to the US. He said
"I drank so much I go home with two Soviet prostitutes who live together with their fancy grey cat."

"Russian blue?"

"No but Ukrainian gave handjob!"

Joke I came up with (needs work)

So there are this brother and sister who live together, Cee and Sofie. Sofie says she has a date tonight, the guy will be over at 8 and that Cee will have to let him in while she gets all pampered up.


So later that evening, there is a knock at the door and Sofie shouts out from upstairs ...

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