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Decaf Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it like to only drink Decaf Coffee?

You get all of the shits and none of the giggles

There is a time and place for decaf coffee

Never and in the trash.

My wife made decaf without telling me.

That's grounds for divorce.

Why do Marxists only drink decaf tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sharing...

An elderly couple stands at the counter at the local burger joint. The man orders a deluxe burger, large fries, and a cup of decaf. The counter clerk turns to the woman and asks her what she would like.

“Oh, nothing for me, deary. My husband and I share everything.'”

The clerk hits a...

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.

A man walks into a cafe and asks for a small decaf coffee with sugar and no cream

The waitress leaves to fetch the coffee but returns a moment later.

“Sorry sir, we’re all out of cream. Would you prefer no milk?”

How do you tell the difference between decaf and regular?

Decaf is faced backwards

What’s black and doesn’t work?

Decaf coffee

Do you want to hear a joke?

Decaf...



My 6 year-old walks around telling this joke to everyone. Adults find it hilarious when it comes from a 6 year-old, because it's just not something you expect to hear.

What do you call fake news in the French press?

Decaf

A topologist walks into a donut shop.

“What flavor would you like?” asks the person behind the counter.
The topologist replies, “Decaf.”

Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...

“They told me at the blood bank this
might happen.”


“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me.”


“Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”


“I wasn’t sleepin...

What's black, cheap, and not worth a damn?

A cup of decaf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Lecture on Life

A professor is giving a lecture on personal lives, and to start he pulls out a jar.

“This jar,” he says, “represents your life.”

He then drops in some fairly large-sized rocks into the jar.

“These rocks represent the basics of your life. You know, food, shelter, sex, stuff like ...

A blonde was recently hired at our office.

A blonde was recently hired at our office.
Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this...

Want to hear a joke about coffee?

Decaf.

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