UPJOKE
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Jesu Jokes

A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say

“Jesus is watching you” he dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”. He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus...

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

Cashier: Scans Condoms “Do you need a bag sir?"

Me: "Jesus. She’s not THAT ugly."

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

What did they say to the first guy to pull off an April fools day prank?

Jesus! I thought you were dead!

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo ...

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