When I was a kid I thought I was the Messiah.

Every time my dad said anything to me it always started with "JESUS CHRIST!"

Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...

when Peter asks, “Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don’t you buy something like a new boat, or a palace?” The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter’s shoulder and says, “Jesus saves.”

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In Jerusalem, Jesus was forced to carry the cross...

After a brutal and tough day carrying the cross up Golgotha, the Romans nailed Jesus with no remorse to the heavy wooden structure. Golgotha was a grand hill, and as the cross was raised Jesus looked down upon all those gathered before him.

He saw his wonderful mother Mary.
He saw gods chi...

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

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How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs?

He did crossfit.

What do you call the musical Messiah?

Gsus

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What’s the difference between Jews, Protestants, and Baptists?

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Church.

Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

Two wise men arrive at the stable in Bethlehem.

They enter and find Joseph and Mary with their newborn son. The first wise man approaches Joseph and, kneeling on one knee, presents his gift of frankincense. Joseph graciously accepts it, saying how blessed they are. The second wise man approaches and, kneeling on one knee, presents his gift of myr...

There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that's full of guys who think they're Jesus

It's a Messiah Complex

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...

Jesus vs The Sea

Jesus after just been crucified reappears to his disciples to tell them for their kindness he will grant them a single wish before he ascends into heaven.
The disciples gather together to confer and after much discussion Peter says "Can you do that walking on water thing again?" "It looked pretty...

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Whale

A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a bar. The priest says, "since I've accepted Jesus as my lord and savior, I'll take a gin and tonic." The rabbi says, "since I'm still waiting for the messiah to arrive, I'll have a nice vodka." The whale walks up to the bar and says, "Mwwwoooooooowwwwww." Be...

A mourning man goes to see Jesus

He walks up to messiah, eyes red from crying.


"Oh Jesus, he snivels", "I need you help. My father died and I ... I need you ..."


"My child, I am here for you, and I knew your father, he was a good man and is certainly in heaven now."


"Comforting as that is, Jesus, I ...

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So Jesus and Moses are about to tee of at 18...

they are about 500 yards away from a par 5, and moses is the first to hit. He gets up and smacks one pin high, 2 feet away from the hole just from his drive. Looks at Jesus and says "i'd like to see you beat that one messiah". So, Jesus gets up, hits one 36 yards to the complete left directly into ...

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