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Inherited Jokes

Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited.

Runs in the family.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

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A man inherited a farm and decided to remodel it...

He had a great business idea. Turn it into a country vacation destination. Tours for kids, horseback and wagon rides. Learn to milk cows the old fashioned way. Eat fresh farm raised food... Well, he encountered one problem.

There was an ornery old rooster that didn't like strangers hanging a...

I inherited my great-grandfather’s antique wig-making equipment.

It’s a family hairloom.

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Pre-mature Ejaculation is an inherited disorder

it comes in your genes.

I inherited a magic device that floats in the sky and weaves magic carpets.

You might say it’s a “family air loom.”

I inherited my uncle's deer breeding business worth 50 million bucks

That's a lot of doe

Why is diarrhoea, an inherited disease?

Because it runs in your jeans!

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A man inherited a massive sum of money from his great aunt, but it came with a catch...

As part of the terms of the inheritance, he was required to care for her cherished grey parrot. The executor told him if anything should happen to the bird, or if he ever chose not to take care of it, he would have to forfeit the inheritance and estate.

At first, this seemed simple enough, bu...

Of all the conditions inherited,

Impotency can’t be.

I inherited hypertension from my granny.

She taught me to take everything with a grain of salt.

I just inherited a dairy farm

I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!

A brunette and her blonde sister live in the rural Southwest US, having inherited their family ranch.

The Great Depression hit them hard, and they only have $600 left.



Fearing that their ranch would be repossessed, the brunette goes to buy a bull so they can breed their own stock. She tells her sister "I'll come and contact you when I make the purchase", and promptly departs.

<...

I've never really inherited anything...

But my best friend did give me an EpiPen before he died.

Seemed really keen for me to have it for some reason.

All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Two sisters inherit a ranch...

Two sisters, a blonde and brunette just inherited a ranch. They thought that the ranch looked a little empty so they wanted to buy a bull, and together they had $500 to spend. The brunette found an ad in the paper that had a healthy bull for sale for $499, and together they decide to buy him. The br...

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My friend inherited a parrot when his brother went abroad.

So, My friend inherited a parrot when his brother had to go abroad. But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names. My friend tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing. Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer...

Dad, I inherited my intelligence from you right?

Dad: That’s right, my smart little girl!

Daughter: That would make sense since mom still has hers.

When a landless Czar inherited a kingdom it was found to contain serfs.

He was peasantly surprised.

I inherited my great grandad’s underwear...

They were fruit of the heirloom

A blonde and a brunette inherit their family ranch...

A pair of sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherited their family ranch when their parents passed away.

The ranch was in dire straits. To save it, the brunette sister decided to take a risk: she would put all the money in their savings towards buying a bull to repopulate the ranch.
...

After Captain America died, The Incredible Hulk inherited the mantle.

He renamed himself 'The Star-Spangled Banner'.

Good news! I've just inherited an estate from my great grandfather!

Bad news, it's a 1975 Volvo...

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I recently inherited an antique set of loaded dice from my grandfather. They used to belong to Al Capone himself.

In other words, we've been spending most our lives living with a gangster's pair of dice.

Quincy inherited a large sum of money at a young age from his father, but he wasted it all on illicit drugs and became destitute and homeless.

It's a cold December night in New York City, with temperatures well below freezing point. Quincy shivers in his one and only winter coat, the same one he's had for the past ten years, lying on a park bench sheltered by nothing but tree canopies. Quincy, in a rare moment of soberness and self-reflect...

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for...

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I inherited one of the paintings done by Adolf Hitler today.

I don't want to hang it in my house though. I'm afraid it's bad Jew Jew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work at a crematorium, and recently received an unclaimed corpse that came with a note that read: inherited wealth—never worked a day in his life. So I cremated him, and put his ashes in an hour glass...

he's been working ever since.

Movember just reminds me that i inherited the inability to grow proper facial hair from my father...

why couldn't i be more like my mom?

A man is walking through the park when he spots an elderly man crying his eyes out on a park bench...

Feeling empathic, he sits down beside the man, and tries to initiate conversation.


"Troubles with the wife?..." he asks gently
"W-Wife? No not at all, I have an amazing wife at home, she's a beautiful person, we've been married for fifty years, she's an amazing cook too!"
"Oh,...

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If Trump wins in 2020 and has a terrible term as President - don't blame him.

It's likely because he inherited a shit show dumpster fire from the previous 2016 presidency.

A Lumberjack is out cutting wood with his son

A Lumberjack is out working and has brought his son along to show him what he does, as he hopes the son will inherit the business one day. The following conversation occurs.

Son: Why do you do what you do, Dad?

Lumberjack: Well son, this is our family business! I inherited it from your...

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A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom....

What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve!! :D


Sorry everyone. I no longer use FB so you have now inherited my yearly Christmas post.


Happy Holidays everyone :)

Me: Hello is that the Samaritans?

Her: Yes, how can I help you today?

Me: I have just won the lottery, I am dating a 19 year old model and I have just inherited a brewery...

Her: So what seems to be the problem?

Me: No problem, I just thought you might wanna hear some good news for a change

would you still love me?

Husband asks his young wife, "Would you still love me if I hadn't inherited my Father's fortune?". She smiles sweetly and says, "Honey, I would have loved you no matter whose fortune you inherited".

An elderly man walks into a bar

The Bartender asks the man to tell him the story about how he became so rich, the man agrees and goes ''I had one orange and I sold it for 5 cents. With those 5 cents I bought another orange and sold him for 6 cents. I repeated that several times before my uncle died and I inherited 10 million''

My father recently passed away.

I'll never forget how much I inherited.
From him I got the eye of an eagle, the heart of a lion and so much more.


He was the best hunter this world has ever seen.

A man hears a knock at his door, and is surprised to see

a polar bear standing before him.

"Hi," says the white bear, "I'm the bear of good news. A distant relative of yours passed away a while ago, but it turns out he entrusted a large fortune to you in his will."

"Great," says the man. "Thanks for the good news."

Later, the man hear...

What runs, but never sprints?

Inherited obesity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Am The Viper! (Long)

A young man inherited a stately manor from his uncle after his untimely passing. The man's uncle was in reasonably good health, but was found dead in his library. His body bore signs of poisoning, but there was no one else with him the night of his death and no poison was found in his system or on t...

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