Remarry Jokes

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she... read more

...and her husband says "yes I would remarry I like living a married life and spending time with someone else. The wife gets uncomfortable and proceeds to ask " well would you let her live in our house?" And the husband says "yes I'd let her live here there's nothing wrong with this house." That wor... read more

So she goes to the local newspaper to place an ad (old I know). The ad reads: “Millionaire Widow looking for a husband, only 3 requirements:
To never hit me, to never leave me and to be well endowed.”
She goes home and early the next day she hears the door bell, goes to her master bedroom wind... read more

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul... read more

But she could tell I was only in it for my money.

She said, "not at all, I'm going to live with my sister." Then she asked me when she dies, would I remarry. I replied, "of course not, I'm going to live with your sister."

Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.

Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.

Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.

Wife: Will you let her use my car?

Husband: Of course not

Wife: ... read more

But I'm pretty sure that she'll figure out I'm just after my money

"What a question!" I replied, "Why are you talking about dying on such a beautiful day?"
"But really though, would you get married again?" she said.
"Maybe, I don't know, maybe yes," I replied.
"Hmmm," she said, "Would you sell our house?"
"No," I replied wondering what had broug... read more

He knows the last marriage didn't end so well... but he's ready to take another stab at it.

But I'm worried she will think I'm just after her for my money...

John and Margaret; A married couple, are sitting at the breakfast table one Sunday morning when the wife asks,

"John, if I were to die, would you get remarried?"

John is bewildered and clearly upset,

"Now why would you ask a thing like that, Margaret? We're sitting here havin... read more

I'm in good health so why not, says the husband.
Will she live in this house
Its all paid for so yes.
Will she drive my car.
Its new so yes.
Will she use my golf clubs.
No, she's left handed.

Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.

But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.

True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease... read more

The husband replies, "Remarry? No way! I'd be too devestated by your death, I could never replace you."

The wife insists that her husband take a new wife, "If I go before you, I would hate for you to be alone. Please tell me you'd find a new wife."

The husband promises to honor his wi... read more

So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the... read more

Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".

Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children

I told her: “but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn’t she”?

Now I don’t need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enou... read more

The wife sets down her fork and asks her husband "Bill, would you remarry if I were to die?"

Her husband avoided the question "Now Margaret, why would you ruin this lovely morning by bringing up such a macabre topic? I won't discuss it."

Margaret broached the subject several times ove... read more

After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.

Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.

And the woman turns to the man and says, "we're both old so one of us is going to die soon, but if I die first are you going to remarry?"

The man says, "No no, I will never remarry you're the only one for me."

But the wife insists and she says, "no I want you to remarry if I die, but t... read more

She said if she wanted to hang around with an eccentrically-dressed know-all who constantly got them into misadventures, she'd remarry Lawrence Fox

The wife says, “If I die, will you ever remarry?”
The man says, “Of course not. You’re the only person I love.”
Five minutes pass and she asks again, “Are you sure you wouldn’t remarry?”
The man visibly annoyed says, “Fine! Maybe after a few years I’d remarry.”
“Would you buy a new bed o... read more

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "If I die, will you remarry?"

"Of course not darling" she replies, "I'll live with my sister. And if I die, will you remarry?"

And the husband replies "Of course not honey, I will also stay with your sister."

On her deathbed, she says to Bob:

"I don't mind if you remarry later, but I don't want the woman to put on my clothes."

"Don’t worry," Bob assured her.

"She is a lot taller."

credit: Bill Moen, an 80's San Francisco Bay Area radio personality. Stuck with me for decades, I can still hear his voice telling it:

A couple are in bed and in the middle of the night she wakes up and gets to thinking and now can't sleep. Her husband turns over and she figures he's awake to... read more

Her: "Honey, I have a question."

Him: "It's 2:30 in the morning, what do you want?"

Her: "If I died, would you remarry?"

Him: "What?... Well I hadn't really thought about it... I guess I would. Can we go to sleep now?"

Her: "I've got another question. If I died and you re... read more

A husband asks his wife:
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If I died, would you marry again?
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Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too.

Deep in thought, Melody turns to her husband and says. "If I were to die, would you remarry?" "I'm still a young man" states the husband. "After an appropriate mourning period, yes I think I would". "Would she sleep in my bed?" Melody mused. "I suppose so, after all, it is mine as well". "Would... read more

The film is about a widower struggling to raise children alone.

The wife turns to here husband and says, "If I die, I want you to remarry, so the kids will have a mother."

He says, "Yeah, I guess that would be best."

She gets mad at his lack of loyalty. "Just like that, huh? You... read more

Man to his wife: "If I died before you, would you remarry?".
Wife: "Oh well I'd have to think about it but yes, I probably would."
Man: "Would you stay in this house?"
Wife: "Well, it's a nice house dear, I think I would"
Man: "Would you sleep in this bed?"
Wife: "I like the bed, it's... read more

He made me privy to a conversation he had just had with his wife. He asked her, "If I died, would you remarry?"

His wife replied, "Well...maybe, but no guarantees".

"You can't go through life lonely", he said. "I think you should. But would you live in our house together?"

"W... read more

Wife: How would you feel if I die?

Husband: I will go mad with grief.

Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you?

Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!

On the bedside, a couple is having a hypothetical discussion :

Wife: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?


Husband: No...how can I think of marrying?


Wife: Why not? You would need company, you would have many years to live, so you should get married.... read more