This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man reads that the subconscious mind is most easily influenced during orgasm...

He tells his wife about it, and they agree to try an experiment.

That night while having sex, just as they are both orgasming, the man whispers into his wife's ear, "You are beautiful."

The next day, the wife remarks that she feels incredibly beautiful.

Success! They decide to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was just asked, "Are men too influenced by what they see in porn?"

...By a woman that me and my friends call "Big Tits Brenda"...



Although she insists I call her "Mum".

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

I grew up listening to music that demeaned women, glorified violence and normalized criminal behavior. I know it definitely influenced the culture around me.

Thankfully, I stopped listening to country music and found hip hop.

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In medieval times in Rome, the Pope, influenced by some conservative advisers, decided to expel all Jews from the city

The Pope, not wanting to seem as forcing his decision on the Jews, allowed a debate to be held so the Jews could defend their citizenship.

That night, the Jewish Rabbis gathered in the synagogue to decide who will debate against the Pope. However none of the Rabbis wanted to debate against hi...

Canada could have the best of 3 nations it is influenced by: French cuisine, British culture and American technology!

Instead, Canada got British cuisine, American culture and French technology.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your favorite one liner in 40 characters or less?

Want to embroider something fun into my jacket pocket, but only have 40 characters. As a big fan of stand up, was trying to fit a homage to my favorites with something from Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin in there... but alas, they're slightly too long. So figured I'd come to the experts here for...

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

Researchers have discovered that diarrhea is influenced by genetics.

Their evidence: It runs in your jeans.

Social distancing at a nudist colony

Is directly influenced by the tempture.
Warm days, 6'3"
Cold days less

Painting job

A Sardar recently arrived in the US

and wanting to earn some money, decides to become a ‘handy-man’ and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby.

He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, another Indian, if he had any odd jobs for him to ...

There was a baby orca that had washed onto land after a huge tidal wave.

When the water receded, the orca found himself out of the water on the beach. A young man happened along and saw the orca struggling along. He always wanted a pet, so he scooped him up in a wagon and took him home; depositing him into his family's well.


This strange upbringing made the b...

So Adam was lonely.

God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She w...

I went to the bar today and asked the bartender to make me an Orange Cheeto...

"I've never heard of that," he replies.

"Well, nobody really knows what it's made of," I reply, "but I've heard it's heavily influenced by a White Russian."

My wife was thinking of names for a new face cleanser she made.

She made a face cleanser that is influenced by Asian ingredients. It makes you stay young for way beyond your years so she was thinking about calling it Youth in Asia.

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