A naked man was arrested after stealing a bicycle and riding away on it.

Police impounded the bicycle, but worry that the evidence is tainted.

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Why do they call it the taint?

Because it taint your ass and it taint your balls

I know that this tainted lettuce scare has everyone worried. But please, everyone...

Try to romaine calm.

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News report: Source of tainted Viagra found to be contaminated shipping containers still in use from Soviet-era East Germany.

Proving once and for all Russian interference in American erections.

There's a great deal of tainted money in the world...

It taint yours and it taint mine!

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.



Whether she kicks you in the groin or sits on your face...

Taint gonna happen either way.

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A cowboy is sitting in a bar having a whiskey

Before too long, a young, attractive blonde in a short skirt walks in and takes a seat up next to him at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, so she asks for a martini.

They talk for a short while and hit it off fairly well. As the blonde finishes her martini and goes to eat the ol...

A redneck goes to the doctor

Doctor asks "How is your perineum?"

Redneck replies "taint got no problem a'tall"

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar

The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

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What do you call love between a Dick and an Asshole?

Tainted Love

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What's between a cunt and an asshole?

The tainted presidential election.

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