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Taint Jokes

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Why do they call it the taint?

Because it taint your ass and it taint your balls

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A dad from Appalachia asked his son what he learned in school that day. He said “the boys on the bus were saying the skin between your legs is the ‘taint’ but I don’t know why they were calling it that.”

The father replied, “well if I remember correctly from my learnin it’s because it t’aint the balls, but it t’aint quite the butthole either.”

There's a great deal of tainted money in the world...

It taint yours and it taint mine!

I know that this tainted lettuce scare has everyone worried. But please, everyone...

Try to romaine calm.

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News report: Source of tainted Viagra found to be contaminated shipping containers still in use from Soviet-era East Germany.

Proving once and for all Russian interference in American erections.

A naked man was arrested after stealing a bicycle and riding away on it.

Police impounded the bicycle, but worry that the evidence is tainted.

Beef farmers in Washington are fighting to protect their cattle, whose water supply has been tainted with THC from the marijiana industry

The steaks have never been higher

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I thought the area between the genitals and the butthole is called the "perineum". I was wrong...

It *taint*.

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A maid worked at the house of a very rich couple

One day, she was peacefully sweeping the floor when the phone rang. She answered it:

"Hello, who am I talking to?"

"It's me, the boss. Is my wife already home?"

"What...? I mean, yes, she's here, sir, but why are you calling? Aren't you here too?"

"What do you mean? I'm a...

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar...

The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

RELATIONS

WHY DONT REDNECKS LIKE THE DOGGIE STYLE POSITION?
TAINT RIGHT TURNING YOUR BACK ON FAMILY

Whether she kicks you in the groin or sits on your face...

Taint gonna happen either way.

A redneck goes to the doctor

Doctor asks "How is your perineum?"

Redneck replies "taint got no problem a'tall"

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A guy goes into a bar

where he meets a pair of conjoined twins who are joined at the side. They hit it off and proceed to booze the night away. Closing time comes around and they decide to tak the party back to his house. He gets in the door and the twins immediately drop and one starts blowing him while the other tounge...

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A cowboy is sitting in a bar having a whiskey

Before too long, a young, attractive blonde in a short skirt walks in and takes a seat up next to him at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, so she asks for a martini.


They talk for a short while and hit it off fairly well. As the blonde finishes her martini and goes to eat the ol...

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What do you call love between a Dick and an Asshole?

Tainted Love

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What's between a cunt and an asshole?

The tainted presidential election.

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

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