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Why do they call it the taint?

Because it taint your ass and it taint your balls

I know that this tainted lettuce scare has everyone worried. But please, everyone...

Try to romaine calm.

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

There's a great deal of tainted money in the world...

It taint yours and it taint mine!

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A cowboy is sitting in a bar having a whiskey

Before too long, a young, attractive blonde in a short skirt walks in and takes a seat up next to him at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, so she asks for a martini.

They talk for a short while and hit it off fairly well. As the blonde finishes her martini and goes to eat the ol...

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar

The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Whether she kicks you in the groin or sits on your face...

Taint gonna happen either way.

A redneck goes to the doctor

Doctor asks "How is your perineum?"

Redneck replies "taint got no problem a'tall"

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

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The FBI are questioning a Texas man today in connection with ricin-laced letters that were sent to President Obama and New York mayor Michael Bloomberg...

The letters, as well as being tainted, contained threats against people who try to take away the writers' guns. The news comes just a week after a sex-offender janitor was arrested for sending ricin-laced letters to the president, and a month after a Mississippi taekwondo instructor was arrested for...

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What's between a cunt and an asshole?

The tainted presidential election.

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